QUID HAS HEARD that the cops are stocking up on popcorn in anticipation of being able to watch Aurora’s funniest hommie videos from Colfax. Seems the best in blue are planning to persuade city lawmakers to allow police to install a boat-load of video camera’s along Aurora’s most famous avenue in hopes of catching the city’s scoundrels in the act of doing wickedness. Such footage, according to the fuzz, would help put such ne’er-do-wells behind bars better, faster, longer, thus preventing future crimes. Rumors are, however, that the program will inadvertently create the world’s biggest bank of hi-def dumb-stuff people do. Look for big networks seeing court approval to unload the city’s coppers of endless servers chock full of bum fights, hookers whacking johns for having to make change, gaffes in the gutters and enough nose pickers to make the world’s funniest home documentary. “Watch this” will likely be the first words you hear at every shift change.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that the Yale Bridge over the river 225 isn’t what is used to be. In fact, it isn’t what its reputation used to be. In fact, it isn’t anything at all. Seems that for generations, ye old Yale bridge connecting Heather Gardens to the rest of the world was a big reason why I-225 simply couldn’t be simply widened. Ridding Aurora of this vital link and brawny bridge was just too big an obstacle to overcome in creating enough lanes to keep Aurora’s biggest artery from clogging every morning, noon and night. That was until it took about a half hour last week to clean the bridge right out of existence and memory. No more bridge. No more excuses.
AND QUID HAS OVERHEARD that cliches will be cliches. Seems a couple of Aurora types waiting to order in line at Starbucks City Center this week couldn’t resist in asking what the cops were doing there when the dinky doughnuts were clearly gone for the day. “Maybe they have doughnut-flavored Frappuccinos now,” one guy snarked to his pal.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS