Quid has heard that Aurora’s mission statement is no real statement at all. At a recent city council session, Aurora’s elected officials spent nearly two hours discussing the difference between a vision, mission and goals, only to end up with all three to market our fair city to others. Particularly of note is Aurora’s mission “statement,” which spans no fewer than seven bullet points, and includes everything from our hospitals and air force base to what kind of laundry detergent we prefer. Asking elected officials to help write marketing speak is like asking Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder to co-judge the Miss America pageant — it may fall a little outside their area of expertise. Still, Quid wonders how one derives a “statement” from an octet of bullet points.
And speaking of narcotic-induced hazes, Quid has learned that a certain institute has taken issue with the most ridiculous drug phenomenon this side of snorting cat crap. So-called “bath salts” are being blamed for heinous crimes ranging from outrageous behavior to sadistic crimes, but the Salt Institute wants to remind us that taking long soaks with Epsom is as safe now as it always has been. “The media should do a better job of making sure the public does not confuse the modern drug jargon term ‘Bath Salts’, which are in reality dangerous narcotics, with the traditional and beneficial bath salts that have been used to promote good health for centuries,” said Morton Satin, the Salt Institute’s vice president of science and research — and likely social chair. Quid thinks his first name is far too convenient for a VP of a salt-related organization, and that if you want to snort Epsom salt on a Saturday night to see what happens, that’s your problem.
Quid has heard non-stop commenting on the Aurora Sentinel’s website regarding a bank robbery over the weekend and the police’s action to find the alleged robber. Short of wading into the treacherous, lunatic waters of Internet commenting boards, Quid is curious to read conspiracy theorists posit that everyone from Elvis to the mayor is responsible for the robbery. Maybe instead of “Aurora: All-America City” on its signs, Aurora should think about “Aurora: Stark-Raving Awesome.”
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS FIT FOR PRINT