QUID HAS HEARD that this very rag you hold in your hands — either with deadwood or your smartphone — has a new competitor for bringing you the local news. Seems that some upstart fish-wrapper on the East Coast called “The New York Times” came to town, stopped for a slice of pizza and was inspired to tie it in with some big business news. If you can find their paper from earlier this week, supposedly our burg’s very own A-Town Pizza made front-page news for being a small business on the rise despite Comrade Obama’s ongoing recession-cum-recovery. Somehow, the scribe for the Times got it in their head that the success of A-Town had something to do with virtually nonexistent short-term interest rates of recent years and monetary policy set by the Federal Reserve. Hogwash. Their sloppy, yellow journalism failed to mention that business is booming there, more than likely, on account of the pie being just really stinkin’ good, and that the kids these days love the goofy Twitter antics of the pizzeria’s social media guru (Such as polling fellow twits on whether they’d like to punch Donald Trump). But Quid has it on good authority that this week’s snowstorm has chased away all the carpetbaggers and left all the dough-making and newspapering to us locals. So keep calm, grab a slice and carry on.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that it may just be a matter of time before coulda-been Broncos savior Brock Osweiler — fresh off a loss at home to (Chris Berman voice) THAA RAIIIDAAHHS — finds his way back to the bench. Seems all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are well on their way to mending the Humpty-Dumpty-ian extent of injury to full-time commercial pitchman and sometimes NFL quarterback Peyton Manning’s lower extremities. If that’s the case, there’s no need for him to be bored. There’s plenty to be done in the coming weeks across the Front Range. First off, he could use his 6-foot-8 stature to easily take down everyone’s Christmas lights sans ladder. Once he’s done with that, the Kroenkes can leave an open locker and a uniform for him to see if he can help the painfully close-to-.500 Nuggets get over the hump and bring the Mile High City an NBA playoff berth in the New Year. Unless Von, DeMarcus and the rest of the Broncos’ D find a way to stop Tom Brady from getting another Super Bowl appearance, it’d make sense to prepare for a long winter.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.