›› Let’s face it: We spend more time on the toilet than we’d ever care to admit in front of company. So it would make sense that spending some money on a top-rate one would be nearly as worthwhile as a pillowtop mattress.
That’s a philosophy that the Japanese have glommed onto over the last decade, but dream-like toilets with enough tech add-ons to make Tim Cook’s head spin still remain a super niche market in the United States.
“(Japanese and Asian markets) have been more tech-minded and had a lot more products to offer in that range,” says Christopher Ardrey, showroom manager and owner of

Christopher’s Baths & Kitchens in Englewood (christophersshowroom.com). “We’ve been a slow market to grasp it.”
Well, here are three insanely comfy, techie and stylish toilets that just might be worth a price tag that’s tenfold more than a typical high-end offering:

Toto Neorest 600 ($6,850)
This is the throne for those who have an SD card filled with music, like a warm seat and need a fan to take care of drying your tush. Toto is at the forefront of bathroom technology, and the leading model of its Neorest series features all the bells and whistles imaginable. It comes with a self-contained bidet, lid-opening motion sensor, three cleaning modes, an air purifying system, and remote control to access virtually all features. Plus, with an SD card inserted, it can provide an experiential soundtrack. “It’s for somebody that’s into technology and really is looking for the ultimate in features,” Ardrey says.

Kohler Numi ($6,400)
This has many of the dream features of the Neorest. The lid opens when you walk up, it comes with a touch-screen remote, heated seats and music options to ensure a surreal experience. Plus, it blows warm air at your feet for cold days and nights. How cool is that?

Laufen pro series ($900+)
Most high-end toilet talk revolves around techno models designed in Japan or another Asian country. The Europeans do it differently. These sleek, Swiss-made options fit the back-of-house plumbing into the wall, leaving a chic bowl the only thing protruding into the bathroom. “They just take up a lot less space,” Ardrey says. The pricing starts just south of $1,000 for this series (plus a more expensive install than typically required), but more sleek-looking options can cost $5,000 or more. At this point, it becomes toilet art.

Retrofit
For those who would love a more posh bathroom experience without breaking the bank, there are two add-ons that can fit within most existing toilets:
Heated seat ($100+): This is a simple upgrade that is probably the single-greatest enhancement to the experience. It’s inexpensive and can be completed by just about any do-it-yourselfer.
Built in bidet ($600+): For those who love having a bidet, these enhancements are relatively easy to install to existing toilets. Just beware of any version cheaper than $600. n

Jacob Harkins is a Denver-based freelance writer.