Crouched behind a big inflatable triangle, the constant thwack of paintballs on canvas is deafening.
Thwack-thwack-thwack thwack-thwack.
I can feel the paint splatters pouring down around me.
After a few seconds that feel like minutes, I muster the strength to poke my head and paintball gun out from the safety of my hiding spot.
Thwack.
I didn’t even get a look at the guy. I didn’t squeeze off a shot, either. Honestly, I’m not even sure I opened my eyes before the ball smacked my right knuckle — the place these pros told me before the game was the worst to get hit. I muttered a few words that can’t be printed here, then flopped back into my hiding place, glad my mask covered the goofy face I made.
That was my second game at Paintball Park Aurora, and in total I’d lasted about 60 seconds in each before getting pasted. And I’d yet to make it past that first hiding spot, pinned down each game by some opponents far more adept at this than I’ll ever be. I fired a few shots, but as tends to happen when you can’t really see your opponent and are diving in terror for cover, I missed.
But I suppose that second game was progress. In the first game, I managed to leave my gun dangling in clear sight where it took a few shots that I didn’t even notice. Well, I didn’t notice them until I clumsily leaned too far out of my hiding spot and took one square in the shoulder.
I learned a couple lessons playing those games with some of the regulars at the 5-month-old paintball facility near East Mississippi Avenue and South Abilene Street.
The first is that these paintballs do, in fact, hurt. It’s not enough to leave you writhing in pain, but the sudden sting is certainly noticed, both that day and the next. And it makes you think twice before carelessly poking your head out.
But probably the biggest lesson I learned is that the gulf between the regulars and some dude wondering in off the street is vast. You have as much chance scoring in a pickup game with LeBron as you do peppering these guys with paintballs. The friendly guys from Denver Kaos and Blitz — two teams who have success in local tournaments — seemed to be taking it easy on me at times, but that didn’t help.
Still, about 70 percent of C.J. Moore’s customers are folks like me, renting their guns and safety equipment there and trying their hand at paintball. The 11,000-square-foot facility has two sides, one that’s more like an urban-combat zone, the other filled with various inflated obstacles. Moore said the regulars tend to prefer the side with the obstacles because that matches the game they play in tournaments.
After that first game — when my gun got shot before I did — Moore, who owns the joint, told me I did all right. “You held your own out there.” I’m guessing he didn’t see me fall flat on my butt a couple seconds into the game. Or catch me cower in terror when one of my already-hit teammates walked past after getting shot.
I wish I could say I got better as things went, but I did not. Mike Swanson, who has been paintballing since the mid-1990s, told me to keep my elbows tucked in to make myself as small as possible. I did a good job of that, but forgot the lower half of my body and left my knee poking out as a delightful target.
Thwack.
I winced and shouted that I’d
been hit.
Thwack, again.
This one caught me right in the mask, sprinkling my beard with paint and delivering a good chunk of it into my mouth. As I spit out bits of paint Swanson strolled up. “Doesn’t taste good, huh,” he said with a chuckle.
No. No it did not. But, I thought, at least this means even the good paintabllers get smacked in the mouth from time to time.
Wanna Try?
the paintball park in aurora
1320 S. Abilene St.
720-275-5357
thepaintballpark
aurora.comDynamic
Paintball
29701 E. Jewell Ave.
303-799-9911
dynamicpaintball.comDenver Paintball
4100 Grape St., Denver
303-298-8573
americanpaintball
coliseum.comPaintball
adventures
3107 W. Hampden Ave., Englewood
303-762-6160fox airsoft
10244 S. Progress Way, Parker
888-316-7816