How stupid of me. It wasn’t until today’s school shooting — No. 72 since the horrific Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre — that it finally dawned on me how to prevent all this needless bloodshed.

It’s not the guns that we need to go after, despite all of my previous rants on the matter. The National Rifle is dead right, folks. Guns don’t kill people: Sickos illegally and inappropriately hurling small metal projectiles at others too cowardly or inept to shoot first kill people — in schools.

Close the freaking schools, America. Problem solved.

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I can’t believe the obvious answer to the never-ending wave of school massacres and shooting deaths has escaped us so long. Clearly, these cesspools of liberalism and black holes for your tax dollars are worse than we ever imagined, and what you remember. They’re essentially killing our kids. Just close the schools.

They cost a freaking fortune. We spend about $650 billion a year on schools, and we can’t even post the Ten Commandments there. And what do we get? More than 30 shootings at public schools and colleges since the day most of Congress spent their NRA donation money on Christmas campaign greetings at the very end of last year.

It’s not crazy people to blame for all these schools shootings. Even President Barack Obama admitted that today after another couple of kids were shot to death at an Oregon high school.

“The United States does not have a monopoly on crazy people. It’s not the only country that has psychosis,” he said. “And yet we kill each other in these mass shootings at rates that are exponentially higher than any place else. Well, what’s the difference? The difference is that these guys can stack up a bunch of ammunition in their houses and that’s sort of par for the course.”

Oh, sure. Blame the guns. Blame the bullets. Blame the patriots and our beloved forefathers who knew enough to give rights to guns but not blacks or kids needing an education, because what good has come from that? This is what Preznit Obummer had to say about the people trying to return our country to the way it was before immigrants and gays and minorities started asking what you wanted from the dollar menu in an accent so strong you can’t even understand ‘em.

“Most members of Congress — and to some degree this is bipartisan — are terrified of the NRA,” Obama said, implying that the NRA essentially bullies lawmakers into opposing any type of gun control.

“My biggest frustration so far is the fact that this society has not been willing to take some basic steps to keep guns out of the hands of people who can do just unbelievable damage,” Obama said. No developed nation on Earth would put up with mass shootings that happen now once a week and disappear from the news within a day, Obama said — no nation except America.

No, dude. It’s the schools, plain and simple. Ain’t nobody getting gunned down at an NRA meeting, or a noodling contest, or tractor pull. It’s the union-loving, MSNBC-plagued schools and teachers who only work nine months a year where the gunmen go wild.

This is where kids wet their pants. This is where evolution is taught and creationism is scoffed at. This is where holidays are happy and Christmas can’t be merry. This is what has to go.

Close the schools and keep the women folk at home, where they should be, to home school our kids the way that God, the NRA and some of our more colorful forefathers intended. Folks who feel this way are smart enough to get all they need to know from Fox News, the New Testament and Ted Nugent newsletters. Who needs the Canterbury Tales and socialist-study tests?

You want school? Go to Germany or Japan where they push that sort of thing. You want guns and Sarah Palin? Close the schools here in ‘Murica, where we already know it all.

— Dave Perry, Aurora Sentinel Editor

12 replies on “PERRYBLOG: Don’t blame the NRA for more dead kids, close the damned public schools”

  1. Congratulations. This is quite possibly one of the dumbest articles that I have ever read in my entire life. Correction: this IS the dumbest articles that I have ever read. I didn’t know that this level of stupid existed.

    2. But he is right: no more schools, no more school shootings! It’s so simple that we all didn’t see it all this time! Tell me one other way to stop school shootings – and reduce gun violence. Can you?

      1. By putting up more “gun free zone” signs and cameras.
        Also close all movie theaters, restaurants, streets, churches, post offices, military bases… Everything.
        Then pass gun law # 2,138 and have a gun turn in program. It will be an “on your honor system” of course. No doubt the kids with the pants 1/2 way off of their a– will be there. As well as the cartels, the hunters (actually we ought to think about banning hunting as well),
        There! I solved the problem, next we need to think about banning knives and bats, and alcohol, and ……..

      2. Stefan: In 2001, wife and I traveled to Oahu to see grandson graduate 13th in class, and also change of command where he handed flag to successor Battalion Commander for HS ROTC. School was closed campus, with 10 foot chain link fence, no auto parking on inside fence area, and school employed security. Have not had school shooting, and families receive phone call if their student does not meet first class of the day. Quit advertising schools as “GUNFREE ZONES”, establish security with few entrances, close campus during class day, just as we secure business buildings, factories, and other facilities. Our children are important enough to be secured, and watched over. No more suspensions for pre-set violation of minor rules. Assign study hall, and all students will attend regularly, or make-up absences in study halls. Give back the decision making to principals, and force complaints-parent anger- problems be discussed with school administrators, or then proceed to school board officials. Stop the National union power of teachers. If they don’t teach, replace them. How difficult is that? Worked in the 1940s and 1950s. And students were ready for work or college, from K12 systems (not called that in those days).

    3. Why do you think it is dumb. Judge decreed in Los Angeles this past week that LA School District Tenure Laws were unconstitutional, because the minority schools had accumulation of ineffective teachers with tenure, cheating students of fair chance at education. And 4 more states joined in removing COMMON CORES from their schools. And before you scream and whine, really read what Common Cores is teaching, how they set curriculum, and how their questions teach to the tests. Talk about dumbing down the populace, starting in grade (K12 schools).

  2. Small time papers hire small time writers.

    He alternates topics. This week it is guns, next week he will take another swing at the cops.

    Don’t take him too seriously.

  6. Home school or charter schools. Remove the Teacher Unions grip on our schools, and return authority, discipline, and standards to the States. In 1940s, I attended schools with School Principal and Teachers exerting discipline, honor students checking hall passes during class, and if student did not study, behave, or do homework, they got personal talk with the principal, and set study halls presided over by the teacher who would ensure you studied. Needed pass to go to bathroom during class time or be in the hall when classes in session. We honored our teachers- parents- and we did not back-talk any adult. Fist fights might happen, but we ensured it was not obvious to any adult. When I whipped 5th grade bully, he became one of my best friends.

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