QUID HAS HEARD that we’re fewer than 100 days from the big day. Not Quid’s arranged dog wedding, that’s next month, but the all-important Congressional District 6 race between Andrew Romanoff and incumbent Mike Coffman. The bruising battle has attracted millions in contributions to deliver a swing district in a swing state to (insert your candidate’s name here). Rightly, (Your candidate) has attacked (Other candidate) for failing to address some of the nation’s biggest problems such as the economy and health care. (Your candidate) is working hard to fight off the interests of outsiders that (Other candidate) brings with them, wherever they go. (Your candidate) sounds nothing like (Other candidate). Political messages from (Your candidate) sound nothing like (Other candidate). Thankfully, the race will finally start to matter when (both candidates) really start talking about how to fix this immigration mess.
QUID HAS HEARD that we’ve cured cancer, hunger, Season 5 of “Game of Thrones,” and everything worth anyone’s time before reading Quid’s drivel. Mayor Steve Hogan — mayor! — has responded to Quid’s jab that he should have better ideas when it comes to Aurora’s rec center. “Hey Quid,” Hogan writes. (“Hey Mayor,” Quid replies, blushing.) “I thought you’d at least compare me to one of Bender’s Brats, or at least Steve’s (no relation) Snappin’ Dogs! For recreation, I know what we’re lacking. Last year I even proposed a plan to help fix it. But since I can’t vote in our system, only suggest, it was kind of like a hot dog begging for relish, mustard, kraut, anything! While you are crying over that beer they didn’t allow you to judge, you might check in with the 10 who can vote and ask them what they propose. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy a dog with all the trimmings, waiting for the vote, or a tie so I can vote, and any hopeful progress. As you say, that’s all the news that fits.”
AND THAT’S MY LINE