QUIDNUNC: Trump Tauer and the GOP-ification of the Aurora Sentinel

QUID HAS HEARD it’s election season, ballots in your mailbox and all. And as it turns out, the lamestream-media hacks who fill the rest of these pages put out a Voters’ Guide last week without even bothering to sound off on the mayoral election. Quid, for one, will have none of this egregious oversight. Your annoying city gossip knows there are more than a few voters out there who would much rather check the box next to “Hulk” rather than “Steve” in terms of giving another term in the mayor’s office to a Hogan. That’s why, lacking another candidate on the ballot, Quid urges those wanting to send a message to Hizzoner that they’re unhappy to write in a third-party candidate. Who, you may ask? The lesser-known entity of one of Aurora’s most-famed political families, the real power behind the Municipal Center throne. We’re talking about none other than the mysterious uncle of ex-mayor Ed and brother of ex-mayor Paul…. Trump Tauer. Last Quid checked, this is a capitalist democracy (at least right up until the inauguration of Imperator-elect Bernie Sanders over a year from now), so do your civic duty to not simply rumber-stamp another uncontested race in Aurora. Let’s send a message to those clowns in Congress and Ringling Bros. that our city won’t sit idly by while a chance to wreak a little electoral mischief is right in front of us.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that this bleeding-heart liberal rag can no longer be used to beat the fish-wrapper’s chief hack over the head. Seems like hardly an hour goes by that pinko-commie Editurd Dave Perry isn’t accused of being little more than the Democratic National Committee in drag. Just as this pithy paper was under fire from the right on yet another foray into gun control, and sneering Sen. Cory Gardner, your Aurora Sentinel endorsed nothing but registered Republicans for city council. Oh, yes, dear reader, really. The city council is supposed to be non-partisan, but since when is anything in government non-partisan? Word has it that Perry’s bumper sticker on his Japanese car touting, “Gay Immigrant Supporters Humping for Hillary” has been revoked. At this rate, trusted reader, expect this scandal sheet to let Donald Trump down easy next year.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.