QUID HAS HEARD that the longest job interview we’ve ever heard of finally wrapped up this weekend. The Aurora Symphony Orchestra’s search for a new conductor after Richard Niezen left started when Quid was in diapers and officially ended right after we legally obtained our driver’s license. The search landed on Norman Gamboa, who lives in Louisiana, guest conducts in Guatemala, and juggles a spot in Wyoming. Widely regarded as one of the brightest up-and-coming Latin American composers, Gamboa’s stop in Aurora will be highly anticipated by yours truly — the Brandenburg Concertos have long been one of Quid’s favorite classical pieces. And considering Gamboa’s impressive resume, it’s also highly probable that he’s the most interesting man in the world. In fact, Quid’s heard that Gamboa’s baton has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body and that Mozart’s 74-minute 9th Symphony only takes Gamboa 20 minutes to complete.

AND QUID HAS HEARD the splash heard round the world this week as college students lined up to compete in the 17th annual belly flop contest at Water World. The park, which is known round the world for the cleanliness of their forced-enema wave pool, donates more than $4,500 in scholarships for the red-bellied winner each year. It’s a good idea and a lot of fun to watch. In his college days, Quid was known to participate in similarly stupid competitions for cash, stone-cold sober of course. But that got us thinking: Why can’t Aurora offer similar competitions? Bull riding for bucks at the Stampede? Prairie dog wack-a-mole outside city offices? Or how about a Bear Grylls-sponsored trek across Aurora’s prairie from Murphy Creek to the Aurora Reservoir? Is that even possible?

AND QUID HAS HEARD the usual song-and-dance between sheriffs and scofflaws regarding the county and city’s fireworks ban this year. In case you missed it, the whole state is on fire. But that won’t stop the sale of certain fireworks in the renegade outposts of Unincorporated Arapahoe County aka the metro area’s version of lawless international waters. The sheriff wants to remind you that you can buy all the fireworks you want to look at, but the minute you put Bic to wick, you’re busted. Busted to the tune of at least $250, partner. Quid likes Roman candles and wildly dangerous consumer munitions as much as the next guy. Heck, it may even be in the Constitution somewhere. But while it’s entirely American to blow something up to celebrate a 200-year rebellion against a guy in a powdered wig, it’s also entirely bone-headed when the rest of the state is essentially four corners of propellant and accelerant.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS FIT TO PRINT