QUID HAS HEARD that the triple-stroller mommies and rowhome-repairing daddies of the lofty Stapleton neighborhood/compound are at long last up in arms over one of the biggest problems in their community. Now that the east Denver commune finally has its own high school, the Stapletonians are moving on to an identity crisis — turns out ole Benjamin Stapleton, the former Denver mayor and defunct airport namesake, was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Seems this well-known historical fact went unappreciated for the 70 or so years the area has been branded with the moniker of a racist; in any case, folks are pressing for “Stapleton” to ditch the name and find something, anything else for their banner. Obviously the east Denver enclave, once home to jet planes, has certainly been an epicenter of white flight, but it’s hard to say that there’s much of anything nefarious going on there besides the glossing over of the old “Gaypleton” label the area had for a while. Besides, Aurora’s in the annexation business. Let’s welcome our brothers and sisters to the west with open arms and better zoning to the Gateway to the Rockies. Or we could introduce them to our friends from Adrenalin PR, creators of our city’s $300,000 marketing campaign. The “Aurora: Worth Discovering” slogan’s already taken, though. “Stapleton: We’re Not Klansmen,” is too bulky. Perhaps “Stapleton: Look under the Hood” or “Yuppie Lives Matter”? And as for a new name, should it come to that, Quid suggests these apropos monikers, reflecting the neighborhood’s heartfelt sensitivity to those they live with, albeit perhaps not those on the wrong side of Quebec: Montbello North. South Northfield. Tarmac. Yogapantston. NorthByNorthwestAurora. Wheels up, Stapleton, here comes Sappy Landings. No sheet.
QUID HAS ALSO HEARD the land rush is on again for the city that never sleeps because it worries what other city’s might be saying behind its back. Seems that Front Range Land King Michael Sheldon (oh, don’t act surprised) wants to tack six square miles of prairie onto Aurora’s tax rolls. Why now? Seems the savvy prince of the prairie believes that the now-or-never time for Aurora to draw city lines could be coming. Aurora may become a city-county and have to give up annexation as a form of entertainment and metro consternation. The new chunk will make Aurora the second-biggest city in Colorado, surpassing our huffy step-sister to the east. Colorado Springs is bigger, but only because they annexed to Castle Rock for fear that Aurora would stretch to the Academy. And nobody (fun) lives there anyway. Rest assured this won’t be the end of it. Say hello to our likely newly adopted family in Watkins and maybe even Karvel. Where will it stop? Onward to the Rio Grande.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.