QUIDNUNC: No Mayor Molly for now, but plenty of ‘Lebowski’ love at theater trial

QUID HAS HEARD that Aurora has yet another reason to rub our bossy step-sister-city’s face in it this week. Seems that world-renowned experts have agreed that this fair burg is one of the best places in the world to raise a kid because they move. No, not away, just off the couch. BetterDoctor.com (what do you mean you haven’t heard of it?) took a study by the American Academy of Pediatrics and a lesson from Buzzfeed to come up with a top 10 list of the best cities to raise a kid. And No. 6 on the list of lists? A-Town, folks. What now? Just below Reno, Nev., and above Sacramento, Calif. Aurora lays claim to fame because of the quality of the schools, the fact that we have youngins here and not many of them are dropping over during asthma attacks, and because we have a lot of playgrounds. That, dear reader, is science in action. BetterDoctors figures that since we have kids and swing sets, life is good for every munchkin in the village. The most important thing on the list, of course, is what’s not on the list: Denver. Haha. It turns out waifs downstream from Aurora are saddled with life inside No. 22. Fresno is better. Quid didn’t need any fancy study to tell you that.

AND Quid HAS HEARD that those expecting Councilwoman Molly Markert to allow herself to be quietly kicked to the political curb are dreaming. Seems that the forever-councilwoman announced this week she would not run for mayor against City Manger Skip Noe and Mayor Steve Hogan. Noe isn’t actually running for mayor, just cover after Markert said she wanted the top job in hopes of ending his. She changed her mind about that, apparently, saying she didn’t want to run on a “Just Say Noe” campaign. But Quid hears she’s quietly setting up a shadow Ward IV government, retaining the Markert Times as the Newsletter of Record. Never one to take Noe for an answer, Markert will have an extra seat installed at the council dais, complete with voting button and knitting needle holsters. It doesn’t matter who, officially, replaces her after the election this fall, nobody can be trusted to oppose legislation the way it’s been done in the past.

AND Quid HAS HEARD that down at the Aurora theater shooting trial in Centennial, chief deputy D.A. Rich Orman was caught sneaking “Big Lebowski” quotes into the proceedings last week, noting one of his witnesses doesn’t work on “Shabbos.” Since this snark-supplying hack is a big fan of making a mockery of anything and everything, let’s keep the potent quotables coming. Perhaps Judge Samour could fashion a Clark Gable mustache and overrule objections with a, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Who cares if it drags the marathon of a trial on even longer? Like Lillian Gish says in “The Night of the Hunter,” we abide (like The Dude himself) and we endure. After all, tomorrow is another day.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.