QUID HAS HEARD that the heat is on, outside in the sun and inside the political back rooms. As the mercury climbs, so, too does the hyperbole and rhetoric. The perfect example is the race to keep warm Aurora’s coveted 6th Congressional District seat, currently under the back-end of incumbent Mike Coffman. Longtime Aurora state legislator Morgan Carroll announced this week she will be the latest Democratic contestant to try and sneak off with Coffman’s cushy House chair and paycheck. Recent past also-rans include former Denver state lawmakers Joe Miklosi and Andrew Romanoff. Carroll, however, won’t be fighting any carpetbagger battles. They both have deep roots in Aurora. So the fight will be on substantive matters, like which brand of Satan has sent each candidate forth from the gates of political hell. For the GOP effort, party hoo-haws immediately issued an owl to this rag’s news desk decrying Carroll as nothing more than a “hand-picked” leftist, liberal minion of the dreaded uber-witch Nancy Pelosi. For her part, Carroll told hacks here that she is not being blackmailed into the role of Democratic challenger, even though for years she said she had little interest in the job. GOP operatives are probably in the end stages of a video right now where the camera zooms in on a phone receiver and the viewers can hear the raspy, shriek of Cruella DeMinority Leader commanding a trembling Carroll to “Saddle up, minion, I say you’re gonna ride.” Equally as substantive, Democratic poobah Amy Runyon-Harms issued a hooter with this message: “Mike Coffman is afraid,” Harms said. ”In the last month, the ‘Coffman brand’ has taken yet another serious hit (from) a scandal involving Attorney General Cynthia Coffman, Mike Coffman’s spouse.” That would be the extortion scandal she waded into regarding GOP wild-man Steve House. Take a breath. “Coffman has skated by on an agenda of confusing voters about his real agenda, and making worthless promises that neither he nor his fellow Republicans in Congress intended to keep.” Anyone interested in the issues must flip their own birds to the candidates. Allow Quid to go first.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that the line to get felt-up at DIA has withered after Denver’s DA announced it would not press charges against two TSA workers accused in April of a scheme allowing them to check the personal goods of dudes going through the airport system that brings so many Americans comfort in the skies. Seems no one interviewed was telling the whole truth, or at least the same truth, so charges for “inappropriate fondling” were dropped. This leaves Quid certain that remaining throngs of TSA warriors will have their hands full with learning how to conduct “appropriate” fondling. Quid is simply relieved that the rules will be unchanged and that one can still demand a refreshing, shoeless frisking to pass the time.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS