QUID HAS HEARD that one of Aurora’s newly wealthy is behind bars tonight thanks to his outstanding intelligence and tolerance for pain. Eloy Montoya was nabbed in metropolitan Pueblo over the weekend after cops say he robbed a few banks in Aurora and Denver on the same day. He was spotted casing a third when he apparently remembered that he left his stove on and ran home to turn it off. Normally that kind of boot-strapping conservatism by this young man is applauded by Quid — expect nothing to be handed to you in life, you have to go out and get it! — except his chosen profession of being a bank robber obviously doesn’t gibe with his lifestyle. Bank tellers easily spotted Montoya thanks to tattoos on his face. Face tattoos might not be a problem in a fairly anonymous industry, like ditch digger or local idiot, but unique facial identifiers may not take you far in the bank robbing business. Just a hunch.
QUID HAS HEARD his calling in life is calling back. Owners at the Last Stop bar on East Mississippi Avenue are looking for a part-time drink slinger for mid-week shifts and Quid’s putting in the old resume. Although credentials are quite detailed with shenanigans and goings-ons, I highlight my ability to overhear just about anything anyone says and then spit it back out in the most unflattering way possible — perfect for being a bartender, you know? Also, Quid’s been in the journalism game for quite a while so there’s nothing behind that bar left untasted. Well, not top shelf. Such is the life of a hack.
QUID HAS HEARD that if you talk, the city of Aurora will listen — at least on Facebook anyhow. A scan of the city’s Facebook page reveals the willingness of some low-level employee to answer just about anything thrown at him or her. Anything from “How many cars travel on 225?” to “Why is streets calling the cops on me?” is answered by a city sage. Quid could spend hours reading Aurorans questions for their own city, “Why are there no road signs for construction?” (Where isn’t the city under construction?) and 46 questions about fireworks. But be warned city intern/knowitall: Knowing everything about anything in Aurora is Quid’s job, and Quid’s job alone. Who cares if your answers are based in “fact.”
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS FIT TO PRINT.