QUID HAS HEARD that the ghosts of lost political campaigns past could be haunting Her Democratic Majesty Hillary Clinton right here in Aurora soon.
Actually, Quid can attest firsthand to how dangerous the mojo could be for Her Inevitableness as her proxies inaugurate her Aurora campaign office digs at East Bethany Drive and South Jamaica Street. Led by Colorado’s favorite Democrat, Congressman Ed Perlmutter, a rare Dem able to keep his job, Camp Clinton will set up Aurora shop inside this pathetic fishwrapper’s old office space this week. Yuck. Quid is intrigued that Hillary hoo haws may stand in the same place former hacks from here once drew imaginary office walls on the floor with masking tape, dodged a number of once-living and never-living things falling out of the ceiling, the spot where reporters drank away the night and slept away the days on purloined couches, where dogs secretly pooped, fires daringly burned and scribes openly barfed. But even a heart as cold and callous as Quid’s weeps a drop or two of blood for hopeful politicos setting up shop in the very place haunted by the dashed hopes of Andrew Romanoff and Mark Udall. Yes, it was this accursed building, that once boasted summertime temps above 100 degrees, mice the size of really big mice and something not right in the basement, that the unsuccessful candidate for Aurora’s very own congressional district waged and lost the war against incumbent Mike Coffman. It was the once mighty Udall that had a file cabinet and a TV tray or two out here on Denver’s better side to wage his historically failed war against Cory Gardner, Yuma’s most famous person. Rumor has it that the man who invented the Ford Edsel was flying in an early jetliner over this very spot when he conceived the notion, and that former Democratic Dream Candidate George McGovern once had a dream he was walking where the office was later built. The only hope to offset the spell of Hell House for Hillary is the rumor that Donald Trump may be opening in the very nucleus of City Center, because that sounds so cool. Unfortunately for Trump, the only thing there are a lot of prairie dogs who follow the holes but not the pols. But it’s gonna be yuge.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that reports of a reprieve for pansy Colorado winter whiners are greatly exaggerated. It seems that headline readers were thrilled when another rag in this town ran a story saying state lawmakers were backing off Colorado’s notorious “puffer” law. It is heinously illegal here to leave your car running unattended on cold days, “puffing.” Letting it warm up while the driver complains from inside about how awful the winters are here is verboten. While a law change is in the works, it would allow only owners of cars with remote starters and encrypted security systems to get away with watching your car “puff” from the comfort of your living room or a 7-Eleven store. The rest of the planet who just tries to get away with it but gets caught has to continue to pay cold cash fines between $150 and $300. You want heat, move to Miami.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.