QUID HAS HEARD that not only has the Billionaire In Chief’s creds been diminished by Forbes, but the Veep’s value also just ain’t what it never was. Seems that just after Forbes downgraded the value of the richest guy to ever spend taxpayers millions on golf-a-way politics, No. 2 also took a hit here in Colorado. The Denver Post reports that the much ballyhooed haw for Vice President Mike Pence, starring at an Oct. 26 GOP fundraiser at the Denver Marriott DTC, is now on the clearance rack. What once set the party faithful back $275 each to dine with the Republican blue-plate special is now half price or less under the red flashing light. Party hacks say they’re lowering the price because so many people would love to see the eminently entertaining Pence, but that hardworking fans only peel off that kind of dough for Ted Nugent or Joel Osteen. Veep, Ted Nugent was no friend of mine, and you are certainly no Ted Nugent. Feeling sorry for a party about to be run out of Colorado and Washington in about a year as their allegiance to the Trump in the room turns nuclear toxic, your faithful hack suggests a few conservative nuggets the GOP might throw in with $10 tickets to fill the seats so the veep’s pals at Faux News don’t have to get B-roll from a 10-foot throw. For those who buy two tickets, tea-partiers get a box full of bump stocks autographed by NRA ghost Wayne LaPierre himself. If you buy four tickets, you can win a life-sized yard display depicting that fresh little scamp Mulan serving Pence and his master tea in the Oval Office, properly, in a pink kimono and stilettos. If you buy a table of 10 tickets you get an hour in the parking lot at the Nancy Pelosi Corn Holin’ Booth. Each ticket holder gets a basket-full of Puerto Rican paper towels to toss at an oversized Pelosi corn-hole board. And if you buy 100 tickets, deeply discounted to 99 cents each, you get a personally autographed copy of one of First Lady Melania Trump’s genuine speeches, actually autographed by the original author. If you buy out the entire event, all 50 seats of the event, which has been moved from the grand ballroom to the lobby coffee shop, you can be appointed to the Trump cabinet and hold a position as U.S. secretary of something for a month. Travel arrangements for that prize are not included. Quid is anxious to hear No. 2 ‘splain to folks out this way why a state that likes his boss even less than they did when they didn’t vote for him for president should vote for all the Colorado Republicans getting their pictures taken with him.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS