QUIDNUNC: ‘General Housepital’ GOP soap opera proving highly entertaining

QUID HAS HEARD that there are lots of was to dress up your popcorn beyond just an unhealthy dose of salt, especially if you’ve taken all that pours when it rains  and rubbed it into a big, gaping wound. Your faithful hack and servant has been filling up on the puffy snack while watching Colorado’s favorite new soap opera “General Housepital,” starring state Attorney General Cynthia Coffman, state Republican Party chairman Steve House and all the rest.

On this week’s episode, we had some big revelations (cue the heavy organ chords): An affair, (gasp) blackmail (gasp again), even talk of prosecutors wading into the GOP mess with — an investigation (ruh roh). Scandalous, to be sure — and we haven’t even gotten to the point where someone gets arrested for murdering the political career of a foe or themselves. At this point, things look bleak for GOP heroine and quasi-Auroran Cynthia Coffman. Once the party’s new darling and serious contender to run for U.S. Senate, the guy she once backed to run the state GOP says it was she and Tom Tancredo who threatened to set fire to the Adams County play House. 

Alexis Carrington, played superbly by Julie Naye, tells tabby titillators at PolitiChicks.com (take a breath, people) in a death-kiss-and-tell interview, that her torrid romance with the man of the House was just a flingy thingy, and she feels sorry for the House wife and commercial sponsors. Pass the popcorn back, dear reader, and tune in next week when we find out if Coffman gets written out of the show, or if Tom “Stefano” Tancredo is kidnapped by aliens, only to reappear as Tab Hunter, or if House’s reputation goes up in final flames when it’s revealed that he voted for Obama (Duhnnn, duhnnn, duhhhnnnnn).

AND QUID HAS HEARD that with so much hand-wringing at the state GOP over the political careers of folks most people in Colorado have never even heard of despite voting for them, there is a bright spot for the survivors. With so many supposed contenders to fight the good fight for Democratic Sen. Michael Bennet’s seat being taken out in this roiling Republican House of cards,  the political stock of state Rep. Gordon Klingenschmidt, R-Colorado Springs’ Alternate Universe and much of Mars, has split. The Rev. Chaps Schtick was once a serious contender for being asked to leave the state, but he is now close to being the last GOP man standing.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.