QUIDNUNC: Colorado Republicans find playing House isn’t kid stuff

QUID HAS HEARD that Injurious George Brauchler, who can easily take out jurors with just a few keystrokes of his smartphone, is happily reporting that he wasn’t responsible for texting up a tempest that is engulfing big names in the Colorado Republican Party. Seems that the Centennial State Fat Thumbs of the Week Award goes to newly anointed state Attorney General Cynthia Coffman. It was she who ho-hum tweeted late Monday that Colorado GOP Party Chairman Steve House would be stepping down. Since then, House has said that he not only is going nowhere, but he accused Coffman and former Congressman Tom Tancredo (yes he’s still here) of forcing him out. Coffman’s Little Text That Could has now led to a full-out fracas with House telling the media that Coffman and the Tanc tried to force him out by threatening to tell the public that he’s been having extramarital affairs. Which he says he did not. Mais oui, mon ami. The French have nothing on Colorado politics. Texas may remember the Alamo, but here along the Rocky Mountains, we remember Roamin’ Roy “Smoochie Dude” Romer, Flaming Sheriff Terry Maketa, and closer to home, Arapahoe County Clerk and Super Sexter Tracy “Hunka Hunka Burning” Baker. So a saucy political scandal is, oh, like Wednesday or something. What makes this one extra spicy is Coffman persuading the public that this House is falling apart, or that House must prove that it’s not true that a little extortion among ex-friends never hurt anyone elected to the office of attorney general. And since both Coffman and Brauchler have been mentioned as good candidates to take on Sen. Michael Bennett next year, Quid imagines Brauchler has only one word to text to the AG’s office this week: Merci.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that the city still has a hard time trying to give away hundreds of millions of dollars to cowboy hotels or land to Denver or anybody who can kinda cook on Colfax, but the lowly dude who fixes bikes for free, gives a job to homeless guys and makes poor kids smile with free bikes, can’t even get a closet. Seems that Second Chance Bikes angel Ernie Clark, once stuck in the basement of Kim Robards’ dance studio as a long favor, can’t get an old garage or shed or nothing to keep churning out recycled bikes for the poor. Clark runs his now-shuttered bike biz by giving repair jobs to guys stuck in homeless shelters. Sort of a win-win-win enterprise. But he needs some space, and nobody can help, including the city, which may have connections and real estate, but no way to hand out hand-outs to anyone who actually needs them.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS