QUID HAS HEARD from a bird that there are a few dissatisfied exterior illumination experts at the city following its unveiling of their holiday lights. The trees, it seems, have been lighted the color of passion for Aurora’s annual holiday jubilation. And by “passion” I mean “fire engine red.” All of them. Every tree is red. Seeing that it was a 50-50 shot for the holiday lighting folks that the trees would either be green or red this year, it seems plausible that the coin came up red for every tree in the neighborhood. Or it’s possible someone’s color blind. Both seem likely at this point.

AND QUID HAS HEARD a few unsavory things about a local retailer and their firmly held belief that marriage is between one man and one woman — and that they should both divorce from their pocketbooks while in the store. A local couple looking for good deals reported downright lousy behavior from black Friday employees. It shouldn’t matter that the local couple are both of the same sex. It shouldn’t matter that they were as affectionate as the law allows in the store, and it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. We’re all human. And humans have money that spends the same. Perhaps that’s why the unnamed, once-giant retailer is shuttering stores left and right throughout the metro area.

QUID HAS HEARD THAT looming retirement has sharpened John Barry’s sense of humor. At this week’s board of education meeting, the Aurora Public Schools superintendent formally announced he’ll be leaving his post at the end of the school year. After reading his official letter of intent to the crowd, board president JulieMarie Shepherd asked for a round of applause for the superintendent. Then she asked for a round of applause for his leadership team. Then she asked for a round of applause for APS staff. Finally, she announced that someone had left their lights on in the parking lot. “Stand up and be recognized,” Barry quipped. Quid wonders if the final eight months of Barry’s tenure will feature more zingers from the former four-star Air Force General. Next stop, stand-up comedy?

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS