QUIDNUNC: How to avoid an emergency lawsuit

QUID HAS HEARD the Firm of SickEm, SueEm and BillEm has asked in a rather rude way that we not refer by name to the reverse 911 system that calls residents on their home phones when a dangerous situation is outside their front doors. The emergency system, which acts like 911 in reverse, is responsible for saving people from imminent harm outside and is a useful tool for law enforcement officials to keep in contact with citizens. As the city may or may not use Reverse 911®-brand systems, the legal team would prefer that we instead use the phrase “billable hours” — sorry — “interactive emergency response system” to describe the city’s reverse 911 system. You got it, guys.

QUID HAS HEARD that Aurora’s economic development group brought out heavy hitters this week to lobby hard for Gaylord. Former mayor Ed Tauer took the mic Monday night to sing the praises of the multi-gazillion dollar cowboy hotel in Aurora and explain how we’ll all benefit from the hotel and its super-awesome lazy river and high-speed water-slide enemas that’s “definitely” building on the corner of our fair city. Never mind that the whole water park idea smacks of “will someone please finance this thing?” and that we’re still waiting to see it to believe it, the dog and pony show wasn’t for much. The question before council was a minor detail in the funding plan for Gaylord, not a referendum of the idea itself. Let’s not build a sandcastle with a bulldozer guys.

QUID HAS HEARD Aurora’s most eligible bachelor and least likely to be elected gubernatorial candidate Jason Clark has been heard stumping speeches lately. The two-time candidate who made headlines in 2010 with his shower parody of John Hickenlooper’s campaign commercials wants the GOP nod this time around. Clark will have to beat out Scott “Moonlightnin’” Gessler and Tom “Which way to Mecca?” Tancredo for the GOP nomination, which is entirely plausible considering have you met either one of those people? Clark is on the record as not believing in global warming, says he has beaten Wall Street bailouts and the IRS and is a fan of capitalizing every other word on his campaign. We’re not sticking our fingers in the eye of Candidate Clark (he’s a West Point grad), only wishing well what, sadly, probably won’t be the most entertaining gubernatorial campaign this year. (Quid’ll give you 3-1 odds Tancredo’s meltdown will be way better.)

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS FIT TO PRINT