QUID HAS HEARD confirmation of what he always knew: Aurora drivers aren’t only the slowest, they’re the worst, too. That’s according to an Allstate Insurance survey that fingered our fair city has the lousiest big city in Colorado for drivers. According to the survey, we have a higher crash rate per capita than other places around here including Fort Collins, Denver and other western suburbs. Well, duh. At any given moment on Parker Road at 5:30 p.m., approximately 12 percent of drivers are actually paying attention to the road. They’re thumbing through Facebook, texting what’s for dinner or wrangling children, instead of directing their 2-ton sheet metal missile out of harm’s way and around bikers. We may rank last for driver competence, but apparently we’re first in more important things to do than drive while we’re driving. That’s why Quid is in the process of building our own “Mad Max” marauder nitro truck when the distracted driver trend reaches its logical, every-man-for-himself on the road conclusion.

QUID HAS HEARD Arapahoe County Commissioners couldn’t resist banning retail pot shops in more rural parts of Arapahoe County because they’re just a big, wet blanket out there now aren’t they? Commissioners voted 4-to-1 to ignore voters and ensure Elbert farmers and others grow something that’ll give them the munchies later on. Voting in opposition was the lonely Nancy Jackson, who represents Aurora’s part of Arapahoe County, presumably because she knows how to party. The commissioners were well within their right to keep weed out of the county, but c’mon commishes — what else are you supposed to do all the way out there?

QUID HAS HEARD that what arbitrary magazine studies can take away, they can give right back. Prevention magazine this week tabbed Aurora as the happiest, healthiest city in Colorado, thanks to our abundant supply of Chick-Fil-A restaurants and our rare metro-area Jack-in-the-Box beacon of health food. Researchers took into account our farmers markets, green space and other factors when they deemed us fit. The magazine tabbed our fair town as having the best overall health among the other 25 cities mentioned in the survey. Quid agrees; with one city recreation center per 330,000 people, skipping meals while waiting for treadmills to open up is a luxury that few cities can afford these days.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS FIT TO PRINT