QUID HAS HEARD that Aurora plow wars are heating up as the cold and snow settles in for winter in earnest. Seems that all over our fine burg, city and state snowplows seemingly lie in wait. They conspire out of sight, waiting for good-hearted citizens to shovel their sidewalks so Aurora’s wee and helpless tykes can walk uphill both ways to school. They must do the same as Quid and all of you in preparation for stories told to future grandchildren eons from now. Granted, the story somewhat differs in southeast Aurora, where children are told their parents had to drive cars with manual transmissions both ways to school, and some of the cars were even purchased used.
No sooner do these heroic sidewalk Samaritans clear a path for our future generation — or the poor waif or dude who depends on his or her feet and the elusive RTD bus to get to work or buy formula for a hungry mouth at home — that the snowplow appears. Like a freaky, undulating mirage on a desert road, or a semi-tractor trailer in horror movie, the plowerists barrel along the curb sending snow, slush, garbage, stray cattle and very small British or Italian cars cascading back onto the once-cleared walkway. The onslaught creates a frozen concrete-like mix that no Navy SEAL could slog through. As the plowerist speeds away, a dark and malevolent laughter is heard over the retreating sound of the truck and fountain of anti-freeze goo it leaves in its wake. At least that’s how Quid has pictured and retold it to anyone who will listen.
Word must have gotten out, and a city plow on Havana Street recently mowed down the news box at Florida Avenue, where this very fish-wrapper distributes to Quid’s avid and massive fan club, sometimes upwards of 10 or 11 a week. Not to be undone by some anti-First Amendment hellion, the box and Quid’s honor has now been restored. Of course plow horses will say it’s all an accident, but this year, Quid will be watching in July when such a story simply will no longer fly.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.