QUID HAS HEARD that Aurora no longer wants the name of the train that Denver and RTD stole from us last year. Seems that A-Town was still smoldering about RTD handing over the cool moniker of A-Line to the new train that runs from Denver’s Union Station to Denver International Airport. As a consolation prize, Aurora’s yet-to-open east line, from which you’ll be able to watch parked cars up and down I-225, was dubbed the R-Line. The ‘splanin’ that RTD and Denver officials manufactured was that “A” is for Airport and “R” is for Ruh-Roar-Ruh, or some such nonsense. Anywho, the gnashing of teeth and eye-rolling stopped this week when the A-Line broke down again, this time on top of a 50-foot bridge somewhere near DIA. Endless live TV shots of passengers trying to escape the Little Train That Couldn’t were pretty convincing that the A-Line name now has as much cache as a car named “Edsel” or a stadium named “Sports Authority.” Despite spending a billion bucks, the chugger seems only to test the mettle of motorists at crossings where it crawls past, stall at busted signals and has a tendency to just quit working instead of whizzing passengers from there to there in an elderly 40-some minutes. No, thanks. Denver can keep A-Line now that they’ve piddled all over it. You broke it. You own it.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that spring TV ratings for sitcoms are way down as everybody tunes into Channel 7 reporter Marshall “Mitchell-The-Door-Knocker” Zelinger’s Colorado Republican Senate Primary Comedy Hour, still starring Jon Keyser. Zelinger, who’s made a career out of finding forged names on Keyser’s primary petition ballots, became a national sensation after dogging the Jeffco Pride of the GOP for comment. At one point, Zelinger showed up at the front door of the Rubio-Nesque, Let’s-Talk-Air-Force-And-Security Hope-Among-Hopefuls. The fun came from Keyser’s stuck “I’m On The Ballot” track, and talking about how big his dog is, intimating that it might eat annoying reporters. This week, Zelinger tracked down the infamous “Maureen,” apparently responsible for the forged signatures. No dog, but “Maureen” and her partner behind a nearby van horn had plenty of bark as they “no-commented” and cursed their way onto and off camera, threatening to bite. Quid has given up binge-watching “Vice” in hopes that Zelinger will turn next the camera on Keyser’s dog to clear up a few things.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.