QUID NUNC: Another exercise in creative writing for Eric Nelson


QuidBadge5.16.12QUID HAS HEARD that the time for Aurora’s Hail Mary pass to blaze its name on Denver’s Mile High Stadium is at hand. Sports Authority drones, swimming in their giant bankruptcy, own the rights to call the expensive but undersized stadium what they will. But out of money and time, it looks like the Denver Broncos themselves so far have the winning bid to buy them back and resell them to the next big business to someday go bankrupt. Quid would warn Dollar Tree and Loaf-n-Jug to avoid the temptation. Instead, this is Aurora lawmakers’ chance to have the city rise to the world’s attention — and have a helluva good time sticking their thumbs in their big-sister’s eye. For what appears to be just a few million dollars and about $20 million down the road, 76,125 people can sweat and freeze their butts off in Denver’s taxpayer-funded boondoggle every week from August to Christmas at — drum roll, please — Saudi Aurora Arena or A-Town’s Denver-Woopin Stadium or Aurora Bowl-E-Alice, or Aurora Does Denver at Mile High. Aurora spends that kind of money on stuff like water and cops. This is important.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that the Aurora Public Schools board member non-grata Eric Nelson needs a new story. His old story, about having graduated from several colleges, received a bunch of degrees and earned a chest-full of military honors, has come undone after a pricey independent investigation revealed that news accounts of his fictitious history became local best-sellers. Fellow board o’ education types called him all kinds of names, but they couldn’t fire him. Only voters can do that. And Nelson, almost as tough as the person he fictitiously made himself out to be, made it clear he’s not going anywhere. All fellow boarders could do is verbally spank him repeatedly and take down his made-up credentials from his biography on the APS website. So he needs a new tale. Quid suggests that Nelson go long this time and include these highlights from his career: Trump University, Confessor Emeritus; University of Atlantis, Doctorate in Creative Writing; Wonderland College, Professor of Jabberwocky. Perhaps he can mention he single-handedly helped a strange man win the distinguished Geppetto Award years ago, is now a finalist for the Bernie Madoff Sweepstakes and may appear for his re-election bid with personal hero Lance Armstrong. Or perhaps he’ll find a new place that needs a hero.