Quidnunc, whose name comes from the Latin “what now,” is out and about as often as possible to bring you news overheard in elevators, rest rooms and spied in various e-mail boxes.
QUID HAS HEARD there isn’t a weirder show in town than the race to the right to fight against Democratic Sen. Michael “Yawn” Bennet for his chair in the Senate. The GOP trip around their imaginary world set sail this week during a primary debate at Colorado Christian University in Lakewood.
Newsies reported that the handful of candidates trying to impress the most Republican voters of Republican voters (cough-Trumpers-cough) had nothing but good things to say about hiring cops to do everything from enforcing immigration laws to enforcing everything. Rumored favorite before this week is State Rep. Ron Hanks from the part of Colorado that would rather be Wyoming. Already famous for his part in the Jan. 6 exercise of extreme displeasure with the presidential election, and blowing up copy machines, Hanks set himself apart from the elephant pack by pitching a country that requires extra paperwork to vote but none to get a gun. Hanks is so paranoid about voter fraud he even balked about his own GOP straw poll that has only Republicans hand counting the votes.
AND QUID HAS HEARD the strike may be over at King Soopers stores across the metroplex but the angst is dragging on. Overheard in the fruit section this week was a perplexed customer trying to sort through a heap of bruised and mixed up specimens. Explaining that temps and managers had been minding the apple mint during the strike, King Super Vegedude said it’s like “finding out your mom cleaned your room while you were at camp.”
AND QUID HAS HEARD that Gov. Jared Polis is flexing his social media creds with younger voters, and so he was “excited” to roll his rick onto Tiktok for some Gen Z love. The fam may not be so impressed with his cheugy vid. Polis’ one and only is a hypebeasty pitch for campaign donations with no singover. Get a lewk, bruh. Need a dank singing hamster or pull a flip down the stairs to lose that cringe.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS