QUIDNUNC: Believe everything you read in the headlines

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QUID HAS HEARD that in the endless irony at City Hall where your elevated elected conservative nabobs struggle with their inner liberal nannies, Nanny always wins. Seems that after years and years of true libertarians, such as your loyal servant, insisting on having a few sparklers and wild incendiary devices on the Fourth of July, the city finally relented this year. You and yours were able to legally buy and use whizzers, worms and woolly mammoth fountains and such for the first time in many years. As your faithful hack predicted, the city would not burn to the ground. Right again. Instead, a boatload of fireworks were sold and a good time was had by, pretty much, all. Rather than being pleased that no one lost fingers lighting smoldering snakes or singed their hair on a Flaming Peaches and Pigs fountains, grumpy city councilors grumped that there were “illegal” fireworks flying for days. And why? Because this filthy rag headlined a story saying fireworks ban was lifted, which it was. Quid hears that a neighbor of the city’s top cop told him, while they were being scolded about firing nuclear arms into the air, that they thought all of the fireworks that are illegal everywhere were legal now. They read it in the Sentinel and just knew that those fireworks you have to drive for out of state or buy from the trunk of Guido’s car in the alley were cool now. Go figure. Light up the messenger. This messenger wants the Chief’s neighbors to know not to buy ‘shine behind bars, cigarettes on the bus or baby lions from Craigslist.ruth

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS