Despite the Sentinel, other news media and an army of passionate believers working feverishly to preserve this democracy thing, everyone wishes they could be king, or queen.
Yeah, sure, liberals and conservatives alike are losing sleep over whether our amazing American experiment comes to a dead end with this surreal Donald Trump thing. Seriously, there are millions of people in the United States who say they might vote for someone so visibly and admittedly depraved that few, if anyone, would trust him with family, friends or money.
But if I could be king for a while, instead of bothering with this Colorado General Assembly and Congress thing again?
Hellzyeah. You know you would, too.
And if you were an omnipotent king or queen, what would be your first edict?
No, besides free peanut M&M dispensers in every public building.
King Dave Day One: Jobs for Immigrants
There are a lot of immigrants from Venezuela and El Salvador where I live. I mean hundreds. And hundreds.
They have a lot in common. They often speak little or no English. They’re incredibly patient. They just want to work. They came here to work. Let them work.
If I were king, I would bypass Congress and create a guest worker system that registered immigrants and refugees as they applied to stay in the United States. Within a day or two, you get a biometric U.S. immigrant ID, a worker permit and a worker tax number to pay income taxes.
Now, go get a job. There are tens of thousands of businesses in Colorado aching for a hard-working labor pool, not just willing, but anxious to get to work.
If you want to hire one of these amazing and loyal employees, you must use their biometric ID to ensure they qualify for a worker permit. If you hire them without that, and you get caught, it’s a $500,000 fine against your business, for each employee.
Here’s the thing, lots of conservatives give lip service to closing the border and sending home every undocumented immigrant that ICE can rustle up. But they, or someone they know, or someone they voted for, supports the vast pool of illegally hired immigrants.
The problem is so bad in the metro area that police have had to jump in because unscrupulous people “hire” these immigrants, work them, and then stiff them when it’s time to pay.
Or just as bad, business owners look the other way when immigrants use falsified credentials. Cheap labor adds lots of dollars to the bottom line. If we make it nearly impossible to hire anyone without a permit, few would stay here unless they have one.
Despite the rich delusion that millions of immigrants are flocking here for a free Obama phone, in reality, they just want jobs.
Give them jobs. Grow the economy by letting businesses flourish and by ensuring immigrant workers pay income tax dollars just like everyone else. While it would be practical and beneficial for everyone to allow for those with worker permits to eventually become citizens, allowing first for legal worker status — just like we have done with seasonal agricultural workers for generations — is where we need to start.
King Dave Day Two: Hire enough traffic cops to stop the asshats
I’m done with risking my life twice every day to get on the Denver-Aurora Autobahn of Death and hoping “today is not the day.”
I am now and always have been a lead-footed driver. I’m a good driver. No really. I’ve, miraculously, never been in a car accident. When I was in high school, we pretty much had to take driver’s ed to get any or affordable car insurance. Most of the class was about defensive driving. I got it.
What I didn’t get was the part about always obeying the speed limit. So if I’m in the left lane on I-70 between Limon and that big, flat state to the east, and the car in front of me is doing 85 mph, I am too. And if there is no car in front of me? Same thing.
In town, when it’s clear and nice, and me and my bud in front of me are doing 70-ish through the Valley Highway, it’s all good.
I’m not a pursed-lips rule Nazi.
But what I see every single day on the road, going to and coming from work, is terrifying and sickening, even for a guy who cruises fast on a bike in the dark.
When I’m doing 70 in the middle lane, and the guy coming up behind me passes in fractions of a second as he weaves around me and five other cars — driving a 2009 Dodge Ram pickup pushed up about 6 inches higher than God ever intended it to be — then I’ve got a problem.
When I encounter five or six of these schlemiels every single day, both going to and coming from work, then we all have a problem.
Folks, we have a problem.
What is freaking wrong with these dolts? And why is it that everyone else feels like they’re going to lose years off their life or their paycheck just by letting you merge onto the highway or change lanes? And does no one teach people anymore that the signal indicator on the steering wheel is not an optional device? Are there no longer state and local laws against failure to signal?
Why, yes there are: “Failure to Use Turn Signal is a Class A Traffic Infraction and a conviction will result in a scheduled fine of $15.00 to $100.00 plus court costs and surcharges, with an assessment of 2 points to your driver’s license,” according to DenverTrafficLaw.com.
The problem in all of this, is that there are never, ever any cops patrolling the highways anymore. So everyone without good sense, any morals or an operational frontal lobe knows they are free to do what science and good sense tells the rest of us to knock it off.
As king, I would install a huge crop of hi-resolution cameras and license plate readers all over the highways that would:
1. Immediately send a robo-ticket to the idiot speed-weavers, and
2. Alert an army of highway patrol officers waiting at every exit and entrance ramp to pull over these morons, especially those who cloak their license plates from the readers. Reckless driving tickets would be payable only in community service, working for a newspaper.
Then, I would simply abdicate, and find something new to complain about until I get to be King for a Day, or two, next year.
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You have my vote, King Dave.
Have fun with that decreasing supply of housing.
Please try to use public transportation at least sometimes. We are the 6th most ozone-polluted metro area in the country. It is also safer. Invest in public transportation.
There are several things that can be done to reduce the tragic increase in vehicle, pedestrian and bicycle fatalities.
The speed limits in I-225, I-25 can be reduced.
The volume of traffic is substantial higher than when they were initiated under the Governor Romer administration.
Increase in road side sobriety check points beyond just holidays.
Remove right on red and u-turn options at high incident intersections.
Use technology to Enforce traffic signal and speed compliance.
Increase fines for minor infractions that cause major accidents, for example turn signal use. (What is the issue Coloradans for not having common courtesy of signaling your intentions)
In Colorado we can still drive while having a phone in our hands and conversing. That should be changed in this legislative session.
Increasing police presence on our road ways. Which will require more police/Sheriff’s Deputies and more money. How many lives is it worth. Our highways and roads are truly dangerous. If we have the will, we can correct this very serious problem.
I’m with you Dave!
Now there is a vote of confidence. Well done Mr. King.
Gee, I wonder why there aren’t any police, Dave? If you stopped someone for speeding and they decided to fight or run, it would be the fault of the police. Besides, it would be racist to stop someone of color for a minor offense like traffic. It would ruin the proportionate statistics that the Attorney General wants.