PERRY: Decades later, still trying to solve the mystery of the Broncoverse

In the exquisite heat of a late July day, the news caught me off guard today.

Broncos legend John Elway was recalling to podcast listeners his worst moment, not as the quarterback that won championship games, but as the team leader who lost them.

Elway said not choosing quarterback Josh Allen during the 2018 NFL draft was his most egregious error while general manager of the Denver Broncos.

The comment was far too inside football for me to get, but it immediately hit me that football season is nearly upon us. It all begins again and, after all these very many years, one of the greatest mysteries — to me  — of all time still goes unsolved.

Perhaps you can solve the Broncos mystery for those of us who think orange and blue are odd colors mix and match, or to rally behind.

I can’t figure it out. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. I’m like that.

In the third grade, I stayed up for nearly three days trying to understand why the balloon “ship” from my Johnny Astro toy didn’t blow away from the fan-controller I pointed at it as I flew the thing around my living room.

If you’re a child of the ‘60s and don’t recall what was arguably the greatest toy for boys ever created, you probably remember the vacuum cleaner displays at Montgomery Wards and Sears that involved a beach ball “bouncing” in the air almost like magic. The Johnny Astro Full Spacecraft Control worked on the same principle. A controller swiveled the fan, and a speed stick adjusted velocity. It took practice and a lot of years off the family schnauzer to float-fly the “Luna 3” space vehicle all over the house. I got mine on Christmas Day, and by nightfall, I had practically worn the thing out.

But I was fascinated with how it worked. I stayed up almost all night digging through my set of Richard’s Topical Encyclopedias, determined to unlock the secret physics behind the thing. No luck. This was so long ago, the only Internet back then was just a brand of hairspray.

Christmas fell on a weekend that year.

So I foraged through books in my friends’ homes, looking for clues. No luck. I had to wait until Monday to beg someone to take me to the library, which was a long way from home. It turned out that the physics behind the phenomenon was Bernoulli’s Principle, credited to a guy who figured out more than 200 years ago that air rushing around an object exerted less pressure than the non-moving air around it. It’s not as complicated as it sounds.

What I really learned was that you could figure out anything if you stayed with it and had access to a game librarian.

I dragged you through this so you could understand I don’t give up easily when it comes to figuring out perplexing issues. But I have to admit, I’m stumped when it comes to Broncos mania.

Oh, I get that for those who love football, the home team is so much the home team. And when the home team does well, well that’s just so exciting.

But people paint their bodies and dogs orange. The orange flags are already fluttering on top of cars. The pitch is becoming shrill, in July.

I’ve asked Siri and some good friends who are shrinks and sociologists. No luck. Everyone has an opinion, but no one has an answer as to why football is so compelling, and why so many are on the verge of taking one for the team, maybe two or three.

As to the game, it’s a grueling, spasmodic saga that is mostly enjoyed before and after the actual contest. So much of football has to do more with talking about statistics, previous games and future predictions than it does playing those four, long quarters.

It’s about commercials and sighing between fitful starts and turnovers. 

I don’t dislike it in the way that I dislike watching curling or golf, yawn, but I don’t understand the obsession.

Moreover, I don’t understand what would provoke a fan of anything to dye their hair orange or wear a barrel. It is, as any Vulcan would note, illogical. Is it the thin metro air? Too much sun? Something in the water? A lack of better sporting options? What?

So I’ve been after an answer for almost 60 years, since a guy named Steve Tensi drew cheers and jeers at Bears Stadium. As the stars and controversies came and went, the Broncos obsessions has never wavered. It’s as if the world will run out of orange food coloring before Aug. 11.

I won’t be watching the game. I learned long ago that Super Bowl Sunday means empty ski resorts, shopping malls, favorite restaurnts and movie theaters.

Instead, I’ll be watching you for that long overlooked clue, unless you want to offer that up today.

Follow @EditorDavePerry on BlueSky, Threads, Mastodon, Twitter and Facebook or reach him at 303-750-7555 or dperry@SentinelColorado.com