Someone please tell me the paramilitary squad of goons that tore into Aurora’s city hall late Saturday were drunk off their asses.

Because there’s no other logical reason why grown people would pretend to be protesters working to protect the rights of Black Americans and instead wantonly tear stuff up in hopes of coaxing police into a showdown.

There were about 150 or so delinquents who infiltrated the Elijah McClain protest and march Saturday afternoon. That event was sponsored by the Party for Socialism and Liberation and a few other groups intent on getting different results from new investigations into McClain’s death.

After about 500 or more protesters recklessly marched onto I-225, and nearly got themselves killed in traffic and during a lame-brained shootout right on the highway, they reconvened at city hall, and then they went home.

Those who stayed behind were no more a part of the critical and legitimate effort to push through police reform and combat racism than is President Donald Trump.

Thanks to the Herculean efforts of Facebook video streamers like Brian Loma of Cut the Plastic and some others, everyone was able to get a front-row seat to what happened outside the Aurora Police Department headquarters last night on the city hall complex.

It was both shocking and funny. It was hours of watching frightened child-like bullies act like a mob of wannabe mercenaries, hoping to see if their big, pink, flowery umbrella deflected rubber bullets or whether their shop-class dust goggles really can deflect pepper spray.

These people were the F-Troop of terrorists in training, hoping to get it on with the cops. More than a couple of “protesters” bearing trash-can lids as shields would sort of charge and retreat toward nothing in particular, as if they were trying out for the stage-musical version of the Ghost and Mr. Chicken.

At one point, after the group of angries tore down a new, spiked metal fence to cordon the police headquarters entrance, they busted out windows like angry children. And then, then — nothing happened. The cops didn’t come. They looked around at each other, yelled and chanted nothing in particular with all the effect of howling at the moon.

The height of comedy came when some big dude in camos did a hilarious Fidel Castro stroll, chomping and puffing on a big ol’ cigar and marching up and down in front of his “troops” cowering behind trash can lids and sheets of plywood they had ripped from courtroom windows.

It was a shame they weren’t at least talented and able to break out into something like the big rumble scene from West Side Story. Instead, they got bored with just hanging in the parking lot and wandered into the street and traffic to try and stir up trouble. 

Deservedly, a Black man got out of his car and into the faces of these clods, who had blocked off Alameda. He told them to move their sorry asses right now because he had food in the car for his kids and had to get home.

That created dissension in the ranks among a few who realized this had all turned out way different than it does in the movies.

“He’s got kids at home,” one of the disrupters yelled at a guy trying to force confused and alarmed people, also just trying to get home, to make U-turns over a concrete median. “Let him go.”

What had begun as a reality show of spoiled millennials needing lives and better parenting devolved into a sad sequel of Lord of the Fruit Flies.

The bullies argued a bit among themselves and kept warning each other how to avoid the federal fascists troops looking to scoop off those who wandered from the pack. They got bored with that, too, laid down their plywood booty and drove home.

Nobody seems to know how to handle this. Mayor Mike Coffman had a Facebook moment Sunday morning. He’s demanding to know why police didn’t charge the marauding misfits and give them what’s for. He said he’s afraid these faux-protesters will now “smell weakness” in the Aurora police and turn the city into another Portland.

Even casual observers point out that stunts like this only play into the false narrative pumped out by the Trump regime: That there is no problem with racism in America and needed police reforms. Antics like these only empower Trump to continue on that protesters for those causes are just vulgar street criminals. They’re not, but these buttheads certainly are.

Police haven’t said boo yet, only sending out tweets about where the parade of posers were at any given time.

I would suggest that Aurora pay to run the social-media broadcast highlights of the collective tantrum these Black Lives Matter kidnappers threw at city hall. 

Get these people counseling or jobs or medication or some kind of life. Or start having breathalyzer checks for everyone at these protests in hopes that, barring too many sour beers or Red Bulls and vodkas, they can focus on the reality that spurs these legitimate police reform protests and not what they think is the reality between their ears. 

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