With the election slipping away like a handful of mercury on a turbocharged merry-go-round, Mitt Romney managed to change the conversation from unreleased tax returns and foreign misadventures by plucking Paul Ryan out of the Wisconsin wilds to be his running mate. “Romney-Ryan.” Short, alliterative and one syllable more conservative than “Obama-Biden.”

The situation appeared so desperate the choice couldn’t wait until after closing ceremonies of the Olympics, forcing the House Budget Committee chairman to share the weekend spotlight with enough English pop stars to clear out the hairspray aisle at seven Boots drug stores. The Republican Congressman may be famous for his P90x work-out regimen, but the Spice Girls have much better legs. And they’re way older.

Ryan was universally hailed as a bold choice. Yeah, well, maybe, but bold is not always synonymous with good. Whiskey for breakfast is a bold choice. Spun glass underwear is bold. Forehead dragon tattoos. Passing an 18-wheeler on a blind curve doing 80 in the rain. Incredibly bold. Not necessarily smart.

Another white male Christian conservative. That is bold. But only when not compared to absolutely anything else. It’s been speculated a major reason for awarding the Wisconsin congressman the prize spot at the bottom of the bumper sticker was to energize the base. And total slam-dunk there. The question is: Which base?

Republicans are shaking like a Brazilian supermodel on a Lake Superior beach shoot in January. Only happier. Haven’t seen them this excited since John McCain hooked up with some governor of Alaska. Meanwhile, Democrats are salivating so uncontrollably, they’d be advised to invest in bibs to keep from soiling their $5,000 Man-of-the-People suits.

A coordinated attack was immediately launched to trash Ryan’s Path to Prosperity budget bill, which replaces Medicare with vouchers. Health care coupons. Why? Because old people love coupons. “I got a coupon. Only four more, we can book an anesthesiologist.”

The Romney campaign instantly counter-accused the president of gutting Medicare to the tune of $700 billion for Obamacare. So we got that to look forward to: 11 more weeks of the echoing refrain of “You’re killing Medicare,” “No, you’re killing Medicare.” Rinse and repeat. And repeat again. Continue rinsing.

Ryan, a self-professed Ayn Rand acolyte, was forced to denounce his Objectivism hero when somebody on his staff who reads discovered Ms. Rand rejected all forms of religion, which some might infer meant she did not believe in Jesus. You can love one or the other, but not both. Like with Wham!

Allegations also arose that while Ryan ladled scorn onto the stimulus bill, he wrote four letters to the Department of Energy praising programs and requesting funds for his district. Could this be a fount of flip for Mitt’s famed flop?

Ryan doesn’t do much to help with Romney’s Richie Rich problem either. Wealthy son of a Janesville, Wis. highway contractor, he amended his financial disclosure statement in March, having forgotten to include a trust fund inherited by his wife worth between $1 million and $5 million. Then again, who among us hasn’t forgotten a multi-million dollar trust account? “Now where did I put that pesky Five Mil? Must be in my other pants pockets.”

Difficult to discern whether the GOP Boy Wonder is helping or hindering Willard’s ticket. But if the campaign arc doesn’t start levitating real soon, he might be forced to release some tax returns just to change the conversation. Again.

Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com.

3 replies on “DURST: The bold choice not always the smart one”

  1. And all the while your guy hasn’t done a thing but spend money we don’t have, lotsa’ money, , trillions of dollars we borrow to continue to hand out to those who will not work, will not go to school, will do nothing but make bastard babies and collect checks.
    Romneys’ a rich guy, so be it, I’d much rather have a business man running this countrythan a community organizer from Kenya.

    1. Ha ha, that is so stupid. Kenya.
      Are you 12?
      Did hate-wing radio and faux noise tell you to think all them talking point? Cause anyone with a brain would see through that. Or that is a lame attempt at bad comedy……..
      UGH!

  2. I worry because the rethugs are preventing people from voting in a lot of important areas. Why do they hate Democracy? Why do they hate America? If they don’t stand a chance in a fair fight, Cheat, Lie, Steal and intimidate? That is what they stand for now.
    And don’t blame “your guy” when not one jobs bill gets voted on? When over 80% of the current deficit is from programs the so called “fiscal hawk” (ryan)voted for?
    Look up the facts, the government is smaller now then under that war criminal bush..
    The deficit is growing slower now then in the last year of heckuvajob brownie bush.
    The rethugs cheer every time they hear that more people are in poverty YAY, more people losing jobs YAY, more children going hungry YAY, less teachers YAY, cut police and firefighters benefits YAY, and we are going into a double dip recession because of not jobs bills voted on YAY. (But they did vote 35 times to overturn “obamacare” which is actually GOOD for the country) No jobs but force people to lose insurance from the insurance company death panels (the REAL ONES) so more democrats and children will die! YAY.

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