ONSTAGE
Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune 7:30 p.m. Aug. 12, 13 and 15, 2:30 p.m. Aug. 14. The Vintage Theatre, 1468 Dayton St. Tickets start at $24. Visit VintageTheatre.com or call 303-856-7830 for more information.

It shouldn’t be hard for the protagonists at The Vintage Theatre’s latest production to dive into their onstage relationship — they’re married offstage, as well. Real-life couple Kelly and Andrew Uhlenhopp star in Terrance McNally’s quirky and adorable two-person show, “Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune,” now playing at the Vintage through Sept. 4. Kelly stars as Frankie, a lovelorn waitress who falls for Johnny, a loquacious short-order cook, played by her husband. The two engage in a seemingly singular one-night stand, though Johnny does his best to reel Frankie in to his romantic tractor beam through some well-placed compliments and smooth storytelling. The show includes nudity and sexual situations and is recommended for mature audiences only.
Night Watch 7:30 p.m. Aug. 11, 12 and 13, The John Hand Theater in Lowry, 7653 E. 1st Pl., Denver. Tickets start at $12. Call 720-530-4596 or visit thisisspotlight.com for more information. The show closes Aug. 13.
Following an acclaimed performance in “Rabbit Hole” at The Vintage Theatre this spring, local actress Haley Johnson is jumping into yet another heady role in Lucille Fletcher’s “Night Watch,” opening at the John Hand Theatre in Lowry this weekend. Johnson will be portraying Elaine Wheeler in the leading role, slowly depicting her descent into madness as she begins to see what she believes to be dead bodies in a nearby abandoned building. A lesson in analyzing self-doubt, the show has the ingredients to be a rollicking thriller. Todd Black assumes the role of John Wheeler and Margie Lamb is Blanche Cook. Mari Geasair directs.
No Sex Please, We’re British! 2 p.m. Aug. 13. No shows Friday or Sunday. The John Hand Theater, E. 1st Pl., Denver. Tickets start at $12. Call 720-530-4596 or visit thisisspotlight.com for more information. The show closes Aug. 13.
The folks at Spotlight Theatre could not have planned this one better. Fresh on the heels of the “Brexit” heard ‘round the world, “No Sex Please, We’re British!” could just as easily be the headline of an upcoming edition of The Borowitz Report as the title of a farcical comedy at the John Hand Theater in Denver. For the moment, only the latter has come to fruition. The show centers on a young couple who must scramble to ride themselves of a wrongly addressed parcel teeming with Scandinavian pornography. Luke Allen Terry directs.
Little Shop of Horrors 7:30 p.m. Aug. 12 & 13, 2 p.m. Aug. 14 at Miners Alley Playhouse, 1224 Washington Ave., Golden. Tickets start at $27. Call 303-935-3044 or visit www.minersalley.com for details. Show closes Aug. 21.
Fresh on the heels of a successful run of “Sweeney Todd” at DCPA this spring, “Little Shop” follows suit by showing metro theatergoers that the best way to revive any struggling business to add a dash of guts and gore. Carter Edward Smith and Jacquie Jo Billings take the reins as leading lovers Seymour and Audrey, respectively. Jamie Billings is slated to direct the morbid classic.
AROUND TOWN
Colorado Rapids vs. Orlando City Soccer Club 7 p.m., Aug. 20, at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City. Visit www.coloradorapids.com/tickets, tickets range between $39 and $75, field seating for $120.
Now that the Denver metro area has re-greased its football wheels following the success of hometown phenom Mallory Pugh in Rio, it’s time to catch one last local match before the summer officially fades into oblivion. In an important closing stretch to their 2016 campaign, the Rapids will face Orlando next Saturday following an away match against the L.A. Galaxy Aug. 13. On the cusp of the Eastern Conference playoff picture, the Orlando club has a lot to lose and should make for an exciting opponent against a streaking, second-place Rapids team at Dicks Sporting Goods Park.