Don’t question motivation.
That’s the singular lesson I’ve learned in critical writing over the past few years. When it comes to reviewing cars, you may question the quality of the material. It’s OK to kvetch over cup holder placement, controllable interior light timing and steering feel. But the minute you hold court over whether something should actually exist, oy vey, the hate mail.
As a result, I won’t question the motivation behind the 2013 BMW X5. As a point of personal disclosure, I own one. Not an X5, mind you, but a BMW. A “proper BMW,” as I like to tell people when I’m full of myself. I say: “A ‘real’ BMW is the kind with the fury up front, power in the rear, people in the middle and smiles wide as the sky.” What I’m saying is: calling me a snob is putting it lightly.
I should have learned by now. It’s not like the 15-year-old X5 crept up on me. Those first X5’s were the early, accurate answer for what Americans wanted from worldwide automakers during the time. We asked for bigger, taller and bulkier to help defend against each other on our interstate highways. (Or, the opposite of the European way.) It’s as if we grabbed the German automaker by their scruffy mullets and said, a la Dirty Harry, “The name is yours, but the car is mine.”
As a result, the first tall, handsome SUVs sold in massive numbers during the boom and bust years of the last decade and a half. American buyers respected Bavarian class so long as it fit their American … back pockets. To say the X5 has enjoyed good years in America so far would be like saying LeBron James might make a decent living playing basketball for the next 10 years.
But there’s a different effort afoot in the X5 now. Where the earlier models really felt like 5-Series sedans on stilts, the new generation that kicked off this year has the counterintuitive task of delivering a big car that no longer feels like a panzer.
BMW likes to say they invented the “Sports Activity Vehicle” when they rolled out the X5 in 1999. Sure, whatever you say. Truth is, that X5 was really the first of the privileged SUV class that begat every Mercedes, Land Rover, Audi and Jeep that was soon to follow.
Beneath that X5 was a solid off-roader shirking its appropriate duty. Think of an Army Ranger assigned to window-washing detail.
That throat-slashing instinct has been tempered in the new X5. For starters, the grille and front fascia with wide side air intakes look like an enlarged version of the new 3-series, complete with a rounded curvy kidney grille that’s both blunt and diminutive in the same stroke. Looking at the 2013 BMW X5 head-on, it would be easy to forget that the nimble SUV is, in fact, a 2 1/2 ton Bavarian brick hurtling toward your torso. I hope for your sake, you get out of the way.
If you don’t, I’m guessing the driver will. The X5 is still as capable as ever.
Let’s start with the tangibles first: the new X5 is the same as the old X5, with a choice between a standard 3.0-liter turbocharged six or a twin-turbo 4.4-liter eight. The horsepower difference between the two engines is 300 horsepower or 400 horsepower — or the difference between a love tap and a haymaker. (For what it’s worth, we tested the six, labeled the x35iDrive and found it to have plenty of pedal.) Diesel models will be available in the U.S. this year, like they were last year. Also like last year, I’m betting you have a better chance of spotting an albino rhino in your nearest mall parking lot than you do finding an X5d there. The mileage isn’t shabby either, 16/23 for our model, with 20 mpg cruising around town.
The intangibles: The X5 is the best handling SUV in its class. That is all.
But like every year, the X5 is more about what’s inside than out. The interior is fantastically comfortable, and with 14-way power adjustable front seats it’s customizable like a leather-clad hug — mostly thanks to the side bolsters. Second row seating is a little peculiar though; the seats are sunk a little lower than normal SUVs, which means children will be excited when their feet touch the floor, adults might not be so keen if their knees are jammed into their sternums. The optional third-row seats ($1,700) are best avoided unless you’re a Duggar and plan on having small ones long enough for the investment to pay off.
And it’s a hefty investment. Starting at $47,500, the X5 isn’t for the light of wallets. Our x35i was optioned up with the M sport package, panoramic roof, and a whole host of other goodies that brought it within a kitten’s breath of $75,000.
But for the money, that’s about the best SUV you can buy with a luxury badge on the front. Just don’t ask me to explain the motivation behind making it. I’ve learned that lesson.
Aaron Cole is a syndicated auto columnist. He knows he’s wrong, he’d just rather hear it from you. Reach him at aaron.m.cole@gmail.com, or @ColeMeetsCars.