If you’ve ever spent time in a newsroom, you know they are places where rules are made to be broken, then dissected, then discussed until someone yawns, faints or begs for mercy. The chestnut, “If you can’t say something nice…” does not apply to any gathering of two or more journalists.
It’s with that sensibility that the intractable schism between the Gen Z’s, now inhabiting the planet and the workplace, and the adults in the room grew last week when, for no good reason, reporter Max Levy began questioning and then insisting that Santa is a human, and not an elf.
Realizing how critical the issue is to resolve for all humanity, trivialities about crime, punishment and trillions in budget deficits were set aside.
Like a marathon obscure government budget session or an endless discussion about the merits of collecting thread, it’s no fun unless you inflict it on your readers. Read on, and weigh in at SentinelColorado.com on whether you’ve got the real story about Santa’s genetic code.
— Dave Perry, Sentinel Editor
Keep your elf on the shelf, grinch
I can’t believe we’re litigating this in print, but in case it needs to be said, Santa Claus is a human man with a beard who lives at the North Pole.
This holiday season, a cloud has passed in front of our heatless December sun in the form of a crackbrained theory put forth by Sentinel Editor Dave Perry, abetted by Photo Editor Philip Poston.
Santa does not look like an elf — Tolkienesque, or Keebleresque, or otherwise. His job as chief administrator and gift-deliverer is clearly distinct from the tinkering work of the elves who live at the North Pole.
“Maybe he’s just an abnormally large elf,” Perry said. Maybe we all are, Dave.
Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas (a real-life bishop who reigned during the fourth century) are unambiguously human. These figures who were celebrated in the medieval and post-medieval periods are now universally associated with the Big Guy, and Perry has offered no reasons for why they shouldn’t be.
And don’t get me started on the numerous pieces of Christmas pop culture — like Tim Allen’s “The Santa Clause” and Will Ferrell’s “Elf” — that fly in the face of Perry and Poston’s posturing.
Education reporter Kristin Oh’s sister, upon hearing about the controversy that has been fueling brain cell-destroying conversations for the past few weeks, had this to say:
“We call him Santa Claus, not Santa Elf.”
Perry says he also has questions about the Easter Bunny. What species of creature is this bunny, really? Dave won’t say, and I’m afraid to ask.
Kristin and I, recognizing the slippery slope here, are not having it. Gentle readers: please do not encourage this.
— Max Levy, Sentinel Reporter
Wisdom brings a love of lore — and facts
Santa is an elf, and here’s a fact-based column as to why.
May I direct you to the century-old yarn, “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” more commonly known as “The Night Before Christmas,” or “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” which is taken from the first line of this ever popular poem.
The very same St. Nicholas, to which the impossibly young Max Levy and Kristin Oh refer to as part of their attempt to persuade our savvy readers that the Jolly Old Elf is not an elf but instead is, human.
You may recognize “Jolly Old Elf” from “The Night Before Christmas” as it is clearly written in the poem.
The line reads, “He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.”
And yes I’ve heard tell of how Clement Clarke Moore was a plagiarist, and while that is reprehensible, especially in our line of work, the very definition of the term means that he copied someone else’s work. And as such, that argument holds no water as to whether or not the words he stole are any less valid. All it tells me is that they weren’t originally his.
I’ve also read that the poem, which was submitted in 1823, was submitted by a cohort of Clarke Moore without his knowing, and he later claimed ownership of the poem 15 years later.
Christmas Magic is beyond human. Only the skills possessed by a supernatural creature, such as an elf, could allow for the ability to circumnavigate the globe, stopping at countless homes per neighborhood, per city, per territory, per country.
And let’s not get hung up on his modern-day appearance. All we’ve done there is Americanized him by making him morbidly obese. “A Visit from St. Nicholas” describes him as a feisty little, soot-covered elf creature. And his reindeer are described as tiny.
And even if he has consistently been porcine, as we know him today, a fellow of his modern-day stature wouldn’t be able to make it down a chimney, or through a radiator pipe, or whatever vessel he uses to get into homes and apartments without some supernatural powers, not possessed by a normal man.
— Philip Poston, Sentinel Photo Editor
Give it a rest, elf-wranglers
Holidays are supposed to be a time for people to come together. But this holiday season, the Sentinel staff have warred over an issue more divisive than Prop HH: Is Santa an elf?
The newsroom elders, Dave Perry and Philip Poston, say that Santa is an elf. Whereas Max Levy and I believe that Santa is human.
As my younger sister aptly said when she heard about this debate, “We call him Santa Clause, not Santa Elf.”
It’s illogical to believe that Santa is an elf because he works with elves, who are small and have pointy ears. Like the Keebler cookie elves. Santa is always depicted as being a regular sized human with regular human ears and other human features.
The 1993 Disney film The Santa Clause and the 2003 film Elf, are just a couple of renditions of the lore that elves are small with pointy ears while Santa is not.
They are clearly two different species. He doesn’t even look like the elves in Middle Earth, who are not small and do have pointy ears. The Middle-Earth elves are also clean shaven and do not have wrinkles. Santa is not clean-shaven and he is, respectfully, old, and he looks like it.
Critics will say that Santa is an elf because of the poem published in the 1820’s, A Visit from St. Nicholas. It has often been credited to Clement Clarke Moore. However, it would be foolish to put so much stock in an author who has been accused of stealing another person’s work — a big taboo in the journalism industry that we hold very dear to our hearts.
A report from New York State Library states that the poem was originally published anonymously in 1823. Decades later, in 1844, Moore included the poem in his anthology. People have argued that the poem was originally written by Henry Livingston Jr, a poet and farmer. Livingston never officially claimed ownership of the poem, and he died just five years after it was initially published.
Any author whose credibility is so highly debated, especially after all this time, should immediately be discredited because it taints the story as well.
Overall, Santa is categorically a human because all modern and certified depictions of Santa (The Santa Clause and Elf won awards and received high ratings on Rotten Tomatoes).
Old and tired beliefs held by old and tired people shouldn’t dictate how people celebrate and honor Santa.
— Kristin Oh, Sentinel Reporter
It’s bad enough when kids learn that Santa isn’t real. Don’t dump that elf theory on top of it!
Santa is a wizard