Colorado voters find themselves in an awkward spot because all the presidential contenders wooing us so far come from places that suck.

You know it’s true. As they all line up to win the White House, these strutting political turkeys trot out all their fabulous accomplishments from their home states.

It’s depressing.

Most recent is former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush. Yech. Bush is busting proud of a state that often leads the nation in violent crime, high unemployment, uncontrolled growth, nightmare health-care issues, prolific nut cases, and a permanent place on the list of most-corrupt states. Lovely. Nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want even Sen. Marco Rubio to live there. In fact, of the 49 states Colorado might emulate, Florida rises to the top of everybody’s list to do the opposite.

And Sen. Lindsey Graham, who just can’t say enough good about a state that few can’t say enough bad about? What part of South Carolina would Colorado want to copy? Dismal high-school graduation rates? Endless racism? Shocking public school test scores? No jobs? Graham needs to apologize for South Carolina, not brag about it.

And tell me that former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee was just kidding about giving it another go. Who in Colorado wants Huckabee to turn the whole country into a place that earns tens of thousands of dollars less in median income than the rest of the country? A place that has so few people with graduate education that they have to rent them? A place that regularly weighs in with epidemic obesity problems? A place regularly ranked as one of the worst economies in the country? Follow us, Arkansas. People here think Huckabee is some kind of pie.

And then there’s the Lone Star State and its shooting-star presidential candidates. Former supernova Gov. Rick Perry will flame out even faster than he did last time in trying to persuade the country that Texas has something to teach us. One of the highest violent crime rates in the country isn’t worth repeating. Texas and just a few other states do lead the nation — in syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases. Nice. Schools? Pretty lousy. The environment is so abused it threatens to leave for Oklahoma. And if you’re not a white male, you’re doing what white males tell you to do. They do have nice roads, which millions use regularly to enjoy paroles right here in Colorado. If we ever wanted to become China, Texas could show us how. As for Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, he’s from outer space and simply landed in Texas, where people think he makes sense. Big red flag there, folks.

Let’s see, then there’s New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. Hahahahaha. Colorado would not do well to emulate a state where everyone just can’t move away from fast enough. This is a state that would not even exist but for the good graces of New York City. Without it, it would be Vermont without the charm. And as for Christie himself, he has all the charm of New Jersey.

And how about Gov. Bobby Jindal? Chief warden of a state that bests only itself regularly to reach the bottom. Violent crime, murder, shootings, poverty, racism, unemployment, scandalous education problems and scandalous other scandals. Louisiana is second only to  Mississippi as the most-corrupt state. Thanks to Jindal, things there haven’t gotten better there since he took office. Who wouldn’t want some of that for Colorado and the rest of the country? Ummm, me.

And we might be courted by Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. This is one of those states that’s not anything: Not great, not horrible, not a place to move to, not the greatest supplier of Colorado immigrants. In short, not the worst. If we need someone to lead us to mediocrity, Walker can show us the Wisconsin way.

And don’t think for a moment that Republicans have a lock on do-as-I-say-not-as-I-did in my home state. Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont? It’s Vermont. It’s the stuffed animal of states, doing no one any harm nor good. The only reason the state is so tranquil is that the few people who live there can’t even see each other for the trees.

And Hillary Clinton? Where the hell is she even from? I just figure she came with the White House when it was built. Who wants to be like Washington, D.C.? A place filled with schmoozing know-it-alls who work endlessly at yelling at folks to stay off their lawn, and they can’t even handle that very well.

No, none of the above so far, as far as comparing the homes of these political oddities to Colorado. Out here, we have jobs, rights, schools, health, legal quality weed, colleges, killer beer, snow and Rocky Ford cantaloupe. What we don’t have is a presidential candidate, but I’m still thinking about it.

Follow @EditorDavePerry on Twitter and Facebook or reach him at 303-750-7555 or dperry@aurorasentinel.com.

  

21 replies on “PERRY: Colorado knows what’s good for the country, and presidential candidates from crappy states won’t cut it”

  1. Without reading more than the headline, it’s more Repubican bashing from a liberal, period. It gets very old after a short time, it should for you too. We have problems enough right here in Colorado, dual-language classes, immersion classes, open borders, drivers licenses for illegals, no rule of law, and you want to condemn SC? Stick to this state bub.

    1. hahaha right on spot. what about the fact the cost of living here is climbing rapidly. how about the mass homelessness problem. growing up here you use to know where the bums were. now they are on every corner. what about the fact that we are growing to fast. or the fact our state pushed out a company that brought in millions in state revenue so we could pass a feel good law. oh ill stop now

      1. Quite a mouthful. This poor soul sounds as though he/she would be happier living elsewhere but prefers to suffer and whine. Beats me.

  2. dperry, where are the numbers to back up your claims? I used to read the sentinel in the past, now I realize why I do not on a daily basis.

      1. The author is just being selfish that his needs aren’t being put in front of the rest of the country’s. What’s the population of Colorado? And what’s the population of the sh*thole that is most of the east coast? At the end of the day, unless you think CO would be better off succeeding from the union, the author should probably just go with the flow on this one.

  3. ‘yech’ That term fits Obama and the Clintons perfectly Perry. They have told more untruths to this country in a short time span, I don’t have room to list them all. A few, ‘healthcare’ ‘releasing dangerous Jihadists’ ‘IRS’ ‘VA’ ‘fast and furious’ very little investigation on any of these, none on the Lerner take the 5th. Awful bunch.

      1. Best comment yet. I agree. Dave’s column went right over their heads like most things do.

  6. Unlike anyone in the Republican clown car, Bernie actually has ideas and proposals that the majority of Americans agree with. And yeah, Hillary’s from all over, but you know what, I’ll take someone who knows how to find other countries on a map instead of the Republican “proud to be ignorant” brigade. No contest. The Democrats are the only ones exhibiting sanity in this election. Let the trolling begin.

  7. Dave … you are as far left as Litwin, but more wacky and display less clarity of thought. Perhaps you should spend more time on your columns or cut back on your smoking.

  9. Dave, you obviously don’t know much about Scott Walker, the governor of my home state who has managed to bring the state from being a leader in several categories to being last or near-last in every economic indicator. Walker has been really bad news for Wisconsin, and while he hasn’t a ghost of a chance of being president, doing to the US what he has done to Wisconsin would be a recipe for disaster.

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