QUID HAS HEARD the hottest force out there is the APD and we’re only half talking about the DPD swingers brawl. In case you missed it, an Denver officer and a Denver officer, see, they and their wives … you can figure it out. The fuzzy foursome fought it out in Aurora over something not related to trading wives, according to the cops’ official statements, because you and I were obviously born last night. Aurora cops responded but didn’t script tickets to the boozy bunch. That’s obviously exciting but that’s not the only reason our local heat is hot — rumor is that a lot of the higher-ups here are a little anxious to jump ship because a 3 percent cost of living raise isn’t enough to keep things exciting anymore. Apparently overworked and underpaid has its price. Maybe departmental swingers parties would spice things up?
AND QUID HAS HEARD the Colorado Symphony Orchestra is going all Buzzfeed on us and playing “Top 10 Led Zeppelin Songs Not Performed By Led Zeppelin” or something like that. The CSO, which doesn’t have a home at the moment, is going the classical route of trying to lure aging rockers through the gate with tunes they can mangle Robert Plant’s falsetto and air-play Jimmy Page’s stolen guitar licks. Why stop there? There’s a whole Pandora generation of Genericana rock like Mumford and Sons, She and Him, and long list of crappy bands the CSO can orchestrate. Think Imagine Dragons nailed it the first time? Wait till you hear “It’s Time” on a cello!
AND QUID HAS HEARD the $64,000 question — or however much pot retailers are willing to grease under the table — of who sits on the selection committee has yet to be answered. For the uninitiated, Aurora decided this year that a high council would distribute the city’s 24 licenses to the races of the giant entrepreneurs, the half-smokes, the wizards of chemistry and mortals, to sell marijuana in the city, with one points formula to rule them all. So far, we have yet to hear who will sit on that council, because that would be an awesome job full of graft opportunities and free pot cookies. But it’s in that group that the city’s pot future and pot prices will be forged. Quid is willing to make the quest if called to Mount AMC, jussayin.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS