QUID HAS HEARD that terrorism has a new form in Colorado: snot.

That’s right. Braniacs at the Colorado Drug Investigators Association and National Jewish Health have determined that bullets and meth labs have nothing on indoor pot growers and the holocaust they’re raising in basements near you with grow lights over whacky tobacky. Potential holocaust, that is. Seems that breathing docs at National Jewish determined that growing lots of plants indoors can lead to humidity, mold and mildew. Who knew? But Colorado drug cops say that mold could be the undoing of the state’s intrepid drug enforcers, who previously had to worry only about things like being shot.

Mold and mildew, it seems, can lead to runny noses, coughing, pneumonia-like illnesses and hair loss. Just kidding about the hair loss. Quid would suggest that law enforcers who encounter these grow houses, which can be legal, quit breathing so deeply while inside.

“DEA agents expect to face certain threats in our job, such as potentially violent criminals, guns and drugs.  But the unseen dangers in marijuana grow houses that are described in this study pose an equally serious threat to the health and safety of our agents and law enforcement partners,” said Barbara Roach, Special Agent in Charge DEA- Denver Division.

Those words of wisdom come just in time for state voters to decide whether to try and thumb their one-hitters at the DEA and legalize pot for recreational use. Depending on how polling goes in the next few weeks, look for frequent messages from the fuzz regarding Colorado’s reefer badness to grace these and other fish-wrapper pages.

AND QUID HAS HEARD the audience really got a kick out of local hoo-haws starting a chorus line on the stage of the Aurora Fox Theatre for the annual Chamber of Commerce Fox Gala soiree. The audience, however, got the only kicks, it seems. Spies say that the line-up on stage raising knees and feet to the opening track from “Cabaret” looked more like a scene from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Especially painful was Councilman Brad Pierce’s stolid apparent imitation of Mel Brook’s Frankenstein’s monster moves. He was, it seems, putting on the grits. It only goes to disprove that the show must go on. In some cases, it really should not.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that everyone in the greater Aurora area can rest easier now. That’s because Les Grand Ville d’ Cherry Hills Village has got everything under control and stands ready to save public education and the free world as we know it. That seemed to be the message conveyed to the Cherry Creek School Board this week when Cherry Hills Village Mayor Doug Tisdale treated school boarders to a personal audience during Public Whining Time. No complaints from hizzoner, who no doubt surprised everyone that the 6-mile square neighborhood is actually a town of about 6,000 people and actually has a mayor and an actual city manager, who was in tow for the show. While hizzoner did not offer up any swimming pools in the exclusive enclave for fundraisers for the school band at the school that calls Cherry Hills Village home, he did say the town and his administration and his perfectly pressed pocket hankie were at the school district’s disposal. Should Alexander Haig be unavailable during the next Cherry Creek schools crisis, we now know just where to turn.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS