QUID HAS HEARD that this year’s county fairs in northeast Colorado are going to have a twist in the midway booths. With commissioners in places like Washington, Logan and Sedgwick counties working to start their own state because the pinko moderates have taken over this one, everyone’s hunting for a name. “North Colorado” is even more lame than the idea to create it. No, if this notion is going to sell, it needs branding. Look for booths auctioning off the name of the 51st state next to the 4-H welcome stand at fairs all across the part of Colorado where nobody really wants to go. Quid is volunteering these possibilities: 1) Limbaughrado 2) Gringorado 3) Gatarado 4) Drillerado and Quid’s personal recommendation, 5) Whocares.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that Ron Jeremy paid a visit to Aurora this week, or maybe it was someone else. Seems that the bomb squad was called July 3 to a Wal-Mart because of a suspicious man carrying a backpack traipsing through the laundry aisle when employees didn’t like the cut of his jib — or something like that. He bolted, cops nabbed him then asked what was in the bag. Like a bizarro Wal-Mart version of the movie “Seven,” backpack man didn’t want to give up the goods. And it turns out it was for good reason: it was full of love cuffs, tickle toys, glow sticks, whips and oh my. Many questions come to mind like why he didn’t leave it in the car? What in Wal-Mart would have completed the collection? Does the Kathy Lee line include something we’re not aware of? But ultimately we’re left with this wisdom: Spring for the unscented lubricant next time. Don’t give bomb dogs any more reason to pay attention to your backpack.

AND QUID HAS HEARD Aurora’s theater scene is up for some hardware this year. Plays like “RFK” and “The Color Purple” netted more nominations than a local town hall meeting. That’s good. What’s better? Local jack-of-all-trades Charlie Packard, who is executive director at the Fox — when he’s not running everywhere else — is up for his set design at the Curious Theater in Denver. But Quid wants to nominate some other local talent that didn’t make the list for the Henry Awards. Best Vocal Performance: James Gillespie at Comitis Crisis Center for shouting out everywhere how much those folks could use some help. Best Orchestrations: The Aurora Economic Development Center for “Gaylord! The Hotel.” Best Costume: Molly Markert as a cowgirl in “Grocery Cart Races.” And the lifetime achievement award goes to Ed Tauer — if anyone can find him.

AND THATS ALL THE NEWS FIT TO PRINT