PERRY: Colorado Capitol, Washington conundrums and nearer my date-rape to thee

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The spring heat is on all over Colorado and the country, so get ready for a river of runoff and the flood of news that comes with it.

It not only hailed ice the size of tennis balls this week across the metro area, it hailed bull chips the size of cars down at the state Capitol and from the Oval Office in the White House.

The biggest balls of BS came from the Prevaricator in Chief, who suddenly fired FBI Director James Comey this week. Trump, coincidentally, did the deed after Comey made it clear he needed more money and resources to pursue the Trump-Russia investigation. Trump said he was just looking out for the country, and just happened to mention in his Dear James letter that Comey thrice privately told him he is not the subject of an FBI investigation. Trump later said he was gonna fess up and admit that he actually fired Comey because the flabbergasting FBI chief was so not nice to Lock-Her-Up Crooked Hillary Clinton.

Trump is a big man and agreed to take the political heat to right Hillary’s wrong made by Comey about 10 months ago. Surely he’ll get a statue out of his magnanimous, godly act. Perhaps it will be inscribed with this: “For Trump so loved Hillary that he gave his only James Comey so that all Democrats may have everlasting political life.”

Aggravatingly, America must now wait for Saturday Night Live this weekend to learn the real reason Trump bumped off Comey.

Closer to home, the BS was so thick it rolled uphill to the Capitol from Golden. It’s there that the notorious far-right extremists calling themselves the Independence Institute made their weekly pilgrimage to their ancient geek god TABOR, aka Douglas Bruce.

In Depends Institute faithful invoke the misbegotten Taxpayer Bill of Right-wingers whenever common sense threatens their hold on state government. Recently, Republican lawmakers from rural parts of the state have been unhappy about being bitten by TABOR. That foul measure was self-inflicted on the state back in 1992 when voters thought it simply required all tax increases to be voter approved. It actually does ever so much more by imposing formulas, baselines and a giant snow-planet size ball of BS on the state, practically bringing the government to its knees on more than one occasion. This is just such an occasion. TABOR fans trying to mess with Colorado’s Medicaid problems inadvertently doomed outstate hospitals in rural counties where Republicans rule the roost. The only way to save them right now is for Republicans to eat some prescription-strength crow and give everyone a dose of Colorado’s disputed Hospital Provider Fee, which looks like it miraculously might just happen.

That prompted another round of In Depends Institute chief Jon Caldara to again trot out his offensive essay comparing Colorado legislators to date rape opportunists. Oh yes he did. Caldara explains that TABOR simply requires the guvamint to politely ask voters to stick their styluses to requests to raise taxes, rather than just jump their bank accounts in the back seats of the House gallery, or something equally as offensive. He’s an affable guy that never met an RTD bus or levy he didn’t despise.

Date rape = taxes for roads and schools? Wow. Despite Caldara and Co. talking the date-rape talk, when it came time for a bi-partisan effort to ask voters for taxes for roads a couple of weeks ago, Caldara wouldn’t even agree to let voters meet for drinks, let alone go for a nice long ride on one of Colorado’s crappy roads. Up at the In Depends Institute, there’s no chance for date rape because nobody is ever allowed to fool around with voters and taxes ever again. You got yours back in 2005, and that was enough in one lifetime.

Despite the worrisomely unsavory and inaccurate sexual connotations all over Caldara’s fable, he and his TABOR supporters keep getting all hot and bothered over their notion’s fatal law: them is us.

Caldara and the impressively long list of nutty tax protesters not looking for tax-action, such as former Congressman Tom Tancredo and former state Sen. John Andrews, just don’t get it. We are the government, especially in Colorado. The government is not “them.” The government is ranchers, teachers, moms, preachers, accountants, farmers, retirees and every kind of person you can think of assembled to act on our behalf at the state Capitol. That’s the way republican governments like ours works. All this leads to the understanding that, given Caldara’s date-rape simile, what he’s really talking about is asking himself to mess around with himself, instead of take advantage of himself in a moment of inappropriate weakness. Life is complicated for these far-right types. And their roads suck.

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